Church. Blessed are the meek, blah blah blah priestcakes. Rory walks Lane's vomitpack over to her in the back of the church. Those Gilmores, they're ready to chat at any inappropriate occasion, so Rory proceeds to talk to Lane while the preacher does his thing. Lane says that after her drunken call to her mother (I guess that's why there was no "previously" this week), she got home expecting Armageddon. (She wouldn't let Dave walk her in because he's an only child and therefore can't afford to die with the family name before creating offspring.) But instead, MamaLane was totally asleep. And this morning, when Lane came downstairs, instead of shipping Lane off to Korea, MamaLane had made breakfast. Lane says that MamaLane is being more Stepford creepy than angrily silent: "It was very calm. Very serene." Rory brings up the time-wasting suggestion that MamaLane didn't hear Lane on the phone because Lane was drunk and slurry: "Maybe she thought you said you were at a smarty playing clock music playing fear and in love with Rave McChousty." Lane asks what the smell is. "Your backpack," Rory answers. The Rabbi shows up, so the priest rapidly wraps up the "Blessed are the"s. Rory says that Lane has to talk to MamaLane. Lane says she can't. So now Lane has pretty much grounded herself. She volunteered to work the church table for the next two months. Check this: she's decided to go to the Seventh-Day Adventist college her mother wants her to go to, staying home in Stars Hollow for the next four years. Dude. It was one party. And then she told Dave to forget about the Prom. Wow. Lane, calm down. Next thing you know she'll marry herself off to Jung Chu. Lane says that this is all her fault. The Rabbi gives the priest another hand signal, the priest ends the...session? And the Rabbi brings in his congregation. The priest takes down the crucifix and apologizes to the Rabbi for running over. "No problem," the Rabbi says, putting a Star of David in the crucifix's place. He begins.
Luke's. "Excuse me, I'd like some ham!" a woman shouts toward Jess, who doesn't give her an appropriately bitchy retort. So she rudely shouts again that she'd like some ham. Jess places plates in front of a man who asks, "Is this what I ordered?" "Yes," Jess hisses. He asks Rob Estes -- who's alone at a table -- if he's ready to order yet. "Reunited, and it feels so good!" Hello, Rob Estes. I normally wouldn't have an ounce of emotion over seeing you, but in this particular circumstance, you're here to take Jess away from our beloved show. And for that, Rob Estes, you are my hero. Begone with you, Rob Estes. Shoo. Godspeed to Gilmore Girls Spinoff. Oh. He's still here. And he hasn't decided on anything to eat yet. Jess rudely suggests that Rob Estes look at the menu to help make a decision. Jess tells Cesar he needs ham. "No ham," Cesar says back. Is this the same Cesar? I don't think it is. Jess says they got a shipment of ham yesterday. And as Cesar and Jess argue about whether or not there's ham (mostly it's just Cesar saying, "No ham" over and over again), I start wondering what a shipment of ham would look like. Does it come bundled? In a box? On ice? Apparently the ham lady has been asking for ham for over twenty minutes. No wonder she's so pissy. The resolution to this hammy convo? "Then sew some bacon together because that lady is getting ham." And Jess? Kiss mah grits! You tell a joke I heard come out of Linda Lavin's mouth in 1984 and expect me to recap it? I have standards.