Rory wears a t-shirt I covet and picks out breakfast cereals with Paris in the cleanest breakfast cereal center I've ever seen. Paris makes a poop joke. The girls take four different kinds of cereals in four different bowls. They discuss the nuances of different kinds of cereal, and declare cereal to be so awesome it "rocks." It Snap, Crackle, and Rocks. It's like a Seinfeld fetish video in here. Rory places her cell phone beside her bowls of cereal. Paris once again asks the name of the boy who has Rory "yoked to [her] cell phone." Paris figures out that it's Logan: "With the hair? And the chin like he's the fourth Bee Gee?" Paris pulls out her own phone, waiting for Doyle to call. She waited for him to call last night with plans. When he didn't, she ate a family-sized bag of salt and vinegar chips and went to bed at 7:30. Rory: "That was the smell." Paris says they're better than this, as children of Hillary Clinton. She blames Chilton for their lack of social skills. Rory says she will not call LoveLine. Paris calls over Janet and a friend named Althea. Paris knows they know nothing of Ukrainian politics or the periodic table, but they're the Brontës of boys. Rory tries to get out of the conversation, so Paris tells her story. Althea and Janet suggest that Paris gives him one more call to see if he's truly interested. Rory asks why her coitus interruptus hasn't been followed with at least a single phone call. Althea says it's Rory's job to call, since the boy might think she's "too much drama." Jesus, this is annoying. Are you telling me that neither Paris nor Rory had called their boys first? Hey, everybody. Here's a tip, from me to you. If you want to find out how someone's doing, or he/she was supposed to make plans with you and hasn't, or you aren't sure if he/she is interested in you: USE THE PHONE. One call, it's all it takes. Then we don't have to watch scenes like this one, that set women back decades, that paint women as weak, worried, meek wallflowers waiting to be chosen by THE ONE. Fucking pick up a phone. And if he doesn't call, or she seems distracted, or he's evasive, then that person is a DOUCHE. Move on. Screw He's Just Not That Into You. Here's the title of my book: Your Crush Is a Douche: Move On.
Lorelai walks down the street, noticing a new collection of bows on shop doors, pink and blue. Gypsy informs Lorelai that she's on her side of the breakup. Lorelai says she and Luke didn't breakup. Gypsy doesn't want to get into semantics; she just wants to tell Lorelai that she's proudly wearing her pink ribbon to support the sisterhood. Lorelai sees Luke clomp past in the background. She runs off to stalk her man. My next book: You're Acting Like a Douche: Stop It.