After the longest "Previously" of all time, we open at Luke's. Apparently, Lorelai found time to get her hair done. Lorelai tries to grab the plate of food Luke's about to serve to someone, and gets upset when he doesn't give it to her. Luke asks if she's okay now. Lorelai acknowledges that she had a meltdown of such monumental proportions that they're now making a movie out of it -- Meltdown in the Park. Baz Luhrmann is directing and Alec Baldwin will be playing Luke. Luke hopes Alec Baldwin will be slimming down for the role. My boyfriend turns to me and says, "Daniel Palladino wrote this one. Now I can tell, too!" It's the mean factor. When the characters are unusually mean -- not bitter or spiteful, but mean -- that's the mark of Daniel. Lorelai asks if she can work on her laptop in the diner. Luke asks if it makes noise. Lorelai says that she does.
Kirk arrives with a pink polka dot bag under his arm. Luke asks what's up with the "gaybag." Kirk explains that his girlfriend -- whom we haven't seen since her invention, prompting me to wonder if she now lives "in Canada" -- went out of town with some friends and asked Kirk to watch her dog. Hence the bag. Kirk goes on to say that he found out his girlfriend went out with girl friends, because he called the hotel to check the names, "not that I don't trust her." Luke: "Clearly." Luke then unleashes (heh) a string of names that could be either male or female.
Luke leaves to get Kirk coffee and runs into Lorelai's phone cord, currently making Luke limbo behind his counter. Lorelai tells Luke not to worry -- she's using the fax line that Luke never uses, so she's not tying anything up. Luke rants that Lorelai made him get the fax line even though nobody would ever make orders by fax, not that he ever bought a fax machine to find out if that would be true. So Luke's spending twenty bucks a month on what, now? Yeah, can you tell I've been crazy-broke for a year and trying to budget? Every character on this show bleeds money from the pores on either eating out, fancy clothes, college tuition, renovations on inns, newborn babies, living at a house and an apartment, living in Stars Hollow but working in New York City, or buying everything at all times. It's hard enough living in L.A. watching Lexus after Lexus drive past you, but when you're supposed to feel sorry for Lorelai and Rory's money woes, it's really hard when you watch them saunter off in Juicy Couture. Ahem. Moving on. Lorelai says that she loves email, and that she and Rory write to each other every day. She tells Luke that email is a return to romantic letter-writing times. Ooh, now I get to pimp my own upcoming comedy show, about a return to the romantic letter-writing times! See how that works out? Yay! Lorelai says that she always pictures Charles Dickens writing letters, with his feathered pen, in his weird accent, asking about Big Ben and "tuppence-a-bag." Luke drops his dial-up argument with Lorelai when he realizes that Kirk's gaybag means there's a dog in his diner. Kirk denies it (dropping a Radiohead reference in the process), and then orders a pound of raw hamburger with his oatmeal. Kirk walks back to his counter to find that Lorelai has made a tower with menus to hoist the phone cord higher in the air. It's a little like when JoBeth Williams turns around to find that all of her kitchen chairs have been stacked on top of the kitchen counter. Luke says he shouldn't have to limbo in his own place. They're distracted again by Kirk, who's now talking baby talk to the dog (telling the dog he has "sleepy face," which is seriously cute). Kirk covers by saying he was looking for his Lucky magazine, and then suffers a bite to the finger. "Paper cut," he says. Lorelai and Luke stare at each other. Luke proceeds to limbo, and we go to opening credits.