Mall. Emily goes through a mall like a doctor on rounds, letting salespeople describe their newest items, buying purchases like ordering a CT and a chem scan. (I just totally did that from memory. I have no idea what I'm talking about.) Emily orders a China set without seeing it. She orders some weird little red balls. As she stops to order all of the suits ever made for Richard, Lorelai bumps into her. Lorelai tells her mother that her brake lights are out. Emily orders thousands of dollars of merchandise on the Gilmore account in a matter of seconds. Lorelai and Rory are amazed. Emily orders things for Richard's mustache, including the most expensive mustache comb they can find. Emily tells Lorelai that Richard doesn't know what he wants, so she chooses for him. She finds a globe and tells a salesman she wants it. The salesman tells her it's not for sale. Emily says that everything is for sale. The salesman leaves to take care of it. Lorelai says that Richard already has a globe. Emily says that Rory can have it, then. Rory doesn't want it, since it's missing a few countries: "And California."
Emily drags Lorelai and Rory to a hat display and tells the girls to start picking "anything and everything." When Lorelai says they don't have any money, Emily says that this is all on Richard. Emily picks out a hat for Rory and orders a scarf and a set of gloves to match. Lorelai asks Rory if she can see the marbles on the floor that spilled out of Emily's head. Rory likes the hat. Lorelai tells her that this is craziness.
Emily asks Lorelai to pick out a watch, one with diamonds. Lorelai says she's not taking it. "I'm buying you a damn watch!" Emily screams. She tells the salesgirl to wrap it up, and then storms away. Lorelai asks the salesgirl if she can return the damn watch later. The saleswoman says she can.
Rory is caught in a pink tulle hat.
Later, Rory and Lorelai have lost track of how much money Emily has spent on them, but it includes several dresses and gowns, including a Vera Wang bridal for Lorelai. Emily tells the girls to find some shoes. As strong as Lorelai was trying to be, she has hit her weakness: Manolo Blahniks. Art for your feet. We watch as Emily orders an overnight of the rest of those weird little red apples at an incredible expense from Venice. Lorelai asks Emily why she's putting such a dent in her credit card in one day with things she doesn't need: "It's crazy." Consider Emily's button pushed: "'Crazy'? You think this is crazy? This isn't crazy! That stupid mustache is crazy! That's crazy. And your father's job is crazy. That's what's crazy." She complains about his "club-hopping" with Digger and his secret lunches with women and his lies. Lorelai tells Emily to calm down. Emily asks why Lorelai is taking Richard's side. Lorelai says she's not taking sides. Emily says she should go out and hang with Moby: "This is what I do, according to Richard." Emily rants that Richard has a whole new life with Digger and Pennilynn and his mustache. Emily thinks that maybe she should get a job so she can have her own life. She orders a job application for the store, on Richard's account, of course. Everyone is staring as Emily continues on about how much she hates that mustache. Lorelai says that they need to take a break, because her feet are killing her. "Well then, get some new shoes!" Emily screams. Lorelai escorts her mother away from the Manolos. Rory looks a bit mortified.