You know the episode is going to be a problem when you're already wishing you were recapping next week's episode. I think "Richard in Stars Hollow" will be much better than this whole "Lorelai needs money" thing. There's a saying in improv: "Take the money." That means when someone asks you for an amount or you owe someone money, don't start arguing about the price, or haggle, or say you forgot your wallet. Just take the money, give the money, get past the money. The most boring thing in the world is discussing money, particularly the lack thereof. For real. Everybody has money problems. I hate that right now most of my thoughts turn to my lack of money. When I'm not thinking or talking about it, I'm a pretty entertaining person. Otherwise, I'm cranky and boring. That's what money makes you: cranky and boring. This episode? Pretty cranky and boring. Here we go.
We open at Luke's. Lorelai is demanding more coffee from Luke as she pores over some textbooks from her business class. She's on her sixth or seventh cup. Luke offers to get Lorelai some tea. "Absolutely," she says. "Throw it in with the coffee." Lorelai won't stop tapping her pencil on her workbook. Rory rushes in, announcing that she got her PSAT scores. Lorelai tells Luke to leave the pot of coffee at her table. He does, even though there are other customers in the diner. He calls himself an enabler. He don't know the half of it, with that one. Lorelai tells Rory that the PSATs are like the Baby Gap and aren't as important as the SAT's and that Rory can take these over again if she gets a poor score. Rory got a 740 verbal and a 760 math. Wow. I was going to tell you what I got on my PSATs and my SATs. I didn't know that the PSATs meant anything at all when I was in high school, and my parents were out of town that weekend, so I threw a party. The next morning I fell asleep during my PSATs and got a score so low I almost laughed until I realized it kept me from getting some kind of National Merit scholarship thing that all of my friends who didn't come to my party got, which is when I cried. Rory is upset that she got a higher score on math than she did on verbal, since she's supposed to be better at verbal things. I did the same thing. My math score was much higher, for some reason. And I'm a writer. I'm not a calculist or an algebratician. Obviously. Lorelai says that Rory got some amazing scores. She says they are "PSAT-riffic." Rory says she didn't study hard enough. Lorelai tells Rory that she did wonderfully and that she should be proud of herself. Rory calms down. Lorelai says that, to celebrate, they should get all dressed up tonight and see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. In what town, exactly? Rory asks if she can invite Lane. Why would Lane be allowed to go to a midnight show with cross-dressing and virgin offerings? Rory says that Lane's been hard to reach lately. Lorelai says that Lane's probably having a hard time having a best friend be so brilliant. "Well, brilliant in math," Lorelai adds. "Verbal's kinda sad," she mumbles. Lorelai remembers that she has to leave, but invites Luke to come along with them to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. She says that she's Magenta and that Rory is usually Janet, but that Luke would make a mean Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Luke pretends to think about it as Lorelai keeps discussing the costume in detail. It goes on for a while until Luke says that she can come by and help him get dressed, but he might not answer the door, in which case he'll just meet her at the movie. Lorelai tells Rory to gloat a little. "It's good for the skin." And we're two minutes into the episode. My fingers. Palsy.