Sookie gives Lorelai the painful play-by-play of her performance at Lane's wedding. It was far worse than Lorelai had originally thought. Two words: inappropriate gyrating. Rory rushes to Logan's side in the hospital, and, with Paris's help, finds out that he is badly injured, but will make a full recovery. She, awesomely, gets her BITCH ON, and rips Logan's pouting dad a new one via voicemail, guilting him into visiting his son in the hospital. She and Logan mend their rift. Luke returns from his trip with the world-touring math team. Miss Patty has done damage control, talking the whole town into keeping Lorelai's wedding toast a secret. Luke announces to Lorelai that he is throwing April a birthday party at the diner. Lorelai sweetly offers to help, but Luke insists that he has it all under control. He finally reveals his whole reason for being such a supreme ass and not introducing Lorelai to April -- he's afraid she'll like Lorelai better. He's right to worry, since he pretty much snuffs out the fun from the very beginning of the party. Lorelai comes to the rescue and helps him throw a humdinger of a birthday bash; April has an awesome time. She and Lorelai bond, but the next day, Anna comes and chews Luke out, saying she can't believe he let Lorelai, who she doesn't know, hang around her kid. Hate. Lorelai takes it on herself to go and explain things to Anna (hate), who says that she can't risk April becoming friends with Lorelai if she and Luke are "only engaged."
Lorelai is treating her hangover in the kitchen of the Dragonfly as Sookie gives her a rundown of her embarrassing behavior at Lane's wedding reception. Sookie reminds Lorelai that she drank ten giant shots of tequila, but that she shouldn't worry about the crazy toast she gave, since she was less a lunatic than a lovable character. "And what is Stars Hollow if not a haven for colorful characters?" Sookie asks. "I mean, you're not up there with Stevie The Pantsless Santa Claus or Jojo The Cow Whisperer, but you made some strides." Somehow, Lorelai does not find this comforting. Sookie says that they had tried to sober Lorelai up with coffee, but that all it had done was make her "energetically wasted." Lorelai cringes again, saying that she should borrow the wedding video to see what a fool she made of herself. "And check out your audition..." Sookie adds. Apparently, Lorelai cornered the videographer and insisted on filming her audition tape for America's Next Top Model. "I thought that was a dream!" Lorelai says. "The posing, the strutting, the inappropriate gyrating?" Sookie says that they all tried to stop Lorelai, but that she was on a mission: "You kept saying 'I'm not here to make friends; I wanna win!'" Lorelai is disturbed to hear that, even after her runway performance, she kept on rocking. "You tried to start a limbo contest," Sookie says, "a poker game, and a secret club for super cool party people only." Lorelai can't stop cringing.
Rory arrives at the hospital in New York and starts asking around for information about Logan. She is in a panic, and the busy staff won't give her any details about his condition, other than that he is still unconscious and in "serious but stable" condition. They won't tell her more, since she is not family. "But I'm his girlfriend," Rory says. "We've been together a long time; we live together." The nurse gives Rory a terse "Sorry."
Rory turns to find Colin and Finn waiting in the hall outside Logan's room. They give her the details on Logan's accident: he dove head-first off the cliffs of Caldera, instantly spun out of control, and barely managed to get his parachute open. "Yet still manages to stick the landing," Colin says. "Had to deduct three-tenths for all the screaming and bleeding." Rory asks whether they've contacted Logan's family. They tell her that Honor is still on her honeymoon in Greece, and that Logan's mom checked herself into a spa in Arizona the moment she heard about it. Finn: "When the going gets tough, the tough get hot rock massages." Rory asks whether they've talked to Mitchum. "The Dark Lord?" Finn asks. "We left word, but haven't heard anything back." Colin and Finn go on, joking that their plan to get around the whole family-only information policy is to marry each other and adopt Logan. They make a lot of stupid jokes about it, the only funny part being the unfunny intimation that they're gay, which everybody already knew, anyway. Rory is not amused, and bitches them out, asking how they can be so glib when their alleged friend is lying unconscious in the hospital: "You're supposed to have his back. You're supposed to watch out for each other on these stupid trips of yours. But no, everything's a big joke. Everything's hilarious." The idiots have the wherewithal to look chagrined, but Rory drives the final blow: "You're useless. Just go home. Both of you go home. I can't stand to look at you." With that, Rory stomps off, and frankly...I love it. I may kind of despise Logan -- okay, more than "kind of" -- but at least someone on this show is standing up for their relationship.