Outside Levittown, Jackson, Sookie, Alex, and Lorelai try to make polite small talk about the show, since Alex spent a fortune on tickets. But Alex admits that the show sucked, and then they all gleefully bash the show like four recappers at an SNL movie. Lorelai and Sookie go on about how horrible the songs were. "I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm mad!" Sookie rewrites the song with the same two notes. Alex says they should go out, get loaded and keep joking about how bad the show was. Sookie keeps singing as they grab a cab. Lorelai tells Alex that he's nice. Lorelai opens her cell phone. Alex reminds Lorelai that she told him not to let her call Rory for the wrong reason. Lorelai says he's right. Jackson calls them over to get in the cab. "Putting away my phone now," Lorelai says. "Good girl," Alex coos. Ooh, I hated it when Max said it to her and I hate it now. She's not a dog.
Rory's cell phone rings. It's Lorelai, calling early in the morning from her fancy Manhattan hotel room, Alex nowhere to be seen. Rory spent the night at Emily's. She gives Lorelai the quick rundown of her huge fight with Jess. She says that Emily was incredibly nice and understanding about it all, and that Jess was the one who was a big jerk. "He showed up with a big black eye," Rory says. "A black guy?" Lorelai asks. It's an easy joke, but it always makes me laugh. Lorelai asks whether Jess got into a fight with Dean. Rory says he did, and that he was all standoffish about it. Lorelai apologizes. Rory says she's okay. Emily enters the room, saying she made breakfast. She asks if Jess is on the phone. Rory says it's Lorelai, who asks to talk to Emily. Rory hands Emily the phone and leaves the room for breakfast. Lorelai immediately thanks Emily for being so cool and understanding about the whole Jess thing and for not making it worse on Rory. Emily listens to this fifty-word appraisal and then says, "How can you let your daughter be with that abominable thug?" Emily goes off on Jess -- how he's rude and insensitive, how he's late, how she wanted to slap his monosyllabic mouth. She calls him Lord Jim, and worries that his attitude towards cell phones and his tendency to wreck cars will leave Rory and Jess stranded and dead some day. Lorelai reads the paper as Emily shouts that Jess belongs in jail. ["Emily has never been more right." -- Wing Chun]