Inside Miss Patty's studio is a trick! She's kidnapped Stars Hollow residents and is forcing them to watch her rehearse scenes from her new one-woman show: Buckle Up! I'm Patty! CuteDean's there, with a conveniently empty seat beside him. He needs a haircut, pronto. His sides are all flippy and wispy, like he's trying to grow a mullet. CuteDean tells Rory he's been there an hour already. He says it's mostly been Patty and Kirk arguing about stuff. Kirk is the director of this off-off-off-off-Broadway masterpiece, and he's taking it all very seriously, with his director table, his director notes, his tiny green director lamp, and his stern director face. Kirk tells Patty to try one of her reminiscences. She says that's exactly what she was about to do as she flips through her script. CuteDean apologizes to Rory for not saving her. Miss Patty begins. It's a story about how she once met Bette Davis. She was a chorus girl in a bus-and-truck tour of Guys and Dolls: "Beantown! I love that town!" Bette walked backstage one night after the show. Kirk makes a note on his notebook, his head shaking unhappily. She walks right up to Miss Patty and declares: "Doll! Ya don't got the high notes, but ya sure got the gams!" CuteDean and Rory share a glare as Miss Patty says she'll always treasure that moment. She dedicates her next song to Bette, and tells Ethel the piano player to hit it in the key of D. Kirk interrupts here, saying they'll have to rewrite that last monologue, since it got zero audience reaction. Miss Patty says this is her reminiscence, and it can't be rewritten. Kirk tries: "Doll, you've got the gams...but I've got a body in the trunk of my car." This causes a titter from the audience. Miss Patty asks why Bette Davis would say that. "Because she's a murderer," Kirk answers. Patty says she's not rewriting her memories. "It died," Kirk says. "Build a coffin for it. Put some pennies on its eyes, 'cause that stiff ain't breathin'." Miss Patty says they'll discuss it later, and asks him to go back to his light booth. The piano starts. Miss Patty begins to sing (but I think she's lip-synching) and suddenly the lights dim and a strobe light starts up. Hee. Kirk says it's his choice for the song. "It's disco!" Patty shrieks. Kirk says he's trying to subvert expectations. CuteDean and Rory are now enjoying the show. Miss Patty asks for a simple spot. "Something more obvious," Kirk snots. "Got it." Rory and CuteDean agree that this show is a hit and will run for years.
Episode Report CardPamie: A- | 349 USERS: C+
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