Gilmore Girls
Swan Song

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Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Lucky Swan

Why are the teasers for this show always so misleading and melodramatic? They made it sound like this was going to be a breakup episode. Don't get my hopes up, GG.

We begin with Emily's list of woes concerning the eldest Lorelai. Poor Emily has had more than a taste of her own medicine lately when it comes to that demanding woman known as her mother-in-law. Rory and Lorelai aren't even eating anymore. They're just watching Emily fret and complain. Lorelai begs for a moratorium on the Gran stories for a little while. "I should just wash my hands," Emily says, the "of her" is understood by all except Lorelai and Rory. They've got Rory in the Farrah hair now, and it looks even stranger on her, as if she's in a bad play. Man, Alexis is a really pretty girl. Lorelai is wearing a top that is half blue lace, half black fish-net and all quite ugly. "She sucks her olive pits," Emily continues. "Short moratorium," Lorelai notes to Rory. Emily complains that Gran sucks every last ounce of flavor out of her olives, just like she does to people. Lorelai asks for confirmation that Gran sucks flavor out of people. Lorelai says that Gran needs a "fella." Rory adds that he could be with or without an umbrella. "He'd have to look like an olive pit to get her attention," Emily says. Lorelai and Rory spin off on a Dean Martin roast tangent, complaining that the roasts aren't funny, but are rather mean. Then in a complete contradiction, they make the disclaimer that Don Rickles is always funny. I don't know a single person under thirty-five who finds Rickles even slightly funny. Emily is trying to remember if Gran's ever had a "fella," and seems to remember a man in her life at one time who was then suddenly gone. The set-up for the next episode continues, and then Emily seamlessly segues into Rory's breakup. She gets Rory to confess that she's no longer seeing CuteDean; Rory apologizes for not telling Emily when it happened. Emily says she knew exactly when Rory stopped seeing Dean -- eleven Fridays ago. That's, like, three days in Gilmore time, isn't it? Emily momentarily chastises Rory for not telling her everything, pointing out that Emily might have had an embarrassing moment where she invited Dean to a function where they had mutual friends. Lorelai asks Emily to give an example of which mutual friends the Gilmores and the Forresters might have that would exclude Rory and Lorelai. Rory also admits that she's seeing someone new. Emily wants Jess to come to dinner so she can meet him in person. Rory and Lorelai bumble about why that's not such a good idea, since Rory's dating The Meanest Little Snotface On Earth. Emily threatens to meet Jess with a clan of other Gilmores at Rory's graduation, so Rory agrees to get Jess to take a night off work next Friday to meet Rory's grandmother. Emily says it'll be nice, and that they'll have lamb. Rory gets Emily to promise that it'll be a nice event for everyone involved. The word "nice" is bandied about a bit. Lorelai interjects that it probably won't be nice for the lamb. And you know what that kinda joke means! Opening credits!

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Gilmore Girls

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