Gilmore Girls
Swan Song

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
Lucky Swan

Rory points out his seat and then sulks over to her place at the table. Emily comes in and says that the roast looks perfect. Her voice echoes in the room. She asks if he eats meat; he does. She sits and makes small talk about eating meat. Emily says that dinner parties used to be simple but now every time she has one, she has to run her menu down with all of the attendees. Hear, hear, Emily. I'm throwing one tonight, and I've had to call every single guest because three don't eat red meat, two don't eat shellfish, two don't eat spicy food, two are "picky eaters," and two are allergic to the pets I own. I'm serving tapioca in a clean room, thanks for asking. ["Mmmmm, tapioca." -- Wing Chun] Emily beams and tells Jess she heard he's part of the Wal-Mart Corporation. He says it's only by necessity. Emily admits she's never been inside one, but she does own stock. Jess thanks her for the paycheck. Emily realizes he's making a joke and laughs politely. Rory's back to asking about the eye. He's back to not wanting to talk about it. She asks; he avoids. She asks, he tells her to stop. Emily excuses herself to get salt and pepper for the table. Jess asks Rory what her problem is. She says her problem is that he's not telling her the truth. Jess doesn't want to get into it here. Rory says she knows that obviously Jess must have gotten into a fight with Dean. Jess says, "Unbelievable." Rory asks if that's it. "It always comes back to Dean," Jess says. Rory says Jess brings it there. Jess says she brought it this time. Bicker, bicker, bicker. Jess yells, "Why are you pressing this? Why?" He says he's trying to make a nice impression on Emily and Rory's forcing him to do otherwise. He then complains about the raisins in the salad. Rory says that Jess never denied getting into a fight with Dean. Emily comes back into the room, asking Jess how he likes his prime rib. "Cooked," Jess spits. Rory quickly covers, explaining that he's not picky. Emily sits and tries to make more small talk, but Rory -- who has totally lost her freaking mind -- stands up and tells Emily that she needs to talk to Jess in the study. Emily offers to just leave the room, since obviously she isn't needed for this conversation and she's the least necessary person in her home, but Rory wants to take Jess in the other room so she can handle all of her problems loudly and immediately, just like a Gilmore should. Jess follows Rory, for a change.

In the study, Rory's immediately yelling that nothing happened at Miss Patty's with CuteDean. Jess says he didn't get into a fight with Dean. "Bull!" Rory yells. Oooh. She says she's going to find out what happened anyway, so Jess might as well tell her the truth. Jess asks what if Dean had sucker-punched him and he had to defend himself. Rory knows this never would have happened because Dean would never hit anybody. Didn't he hit Tristan? ["I think he just shoved him." -- Wing Chun] Rory says that Jess is "being a jerk" to her grandmother as well. Jess says he's doing his best. "If that means I'm being a jerk, then that's what I am." Suddenly Jess sounds exactly like Taryn Manning, that same scratchy slur. And I can't believe Jess just pulled the "that's what I am" card, my least favorite card to excuse assholic behavior. Jess says that Rory made him come here. He then makes fun of Rory's portrait. Rory says that Jess has embarrassed her in front of Emily. Jess says he's had enough. He says that if Rory's going to "harp on this," then he's leaving. Rory asks if she now has to explain to her grandmother why her boyfriend who was thirty minutes late and showed up with a black eye has now just suddenly left. Jess points out that Rory likes making up stories in her head, so this should be easy for her. Jess leaves, forgetting his coat, and taking her ride home with him. Emily asks if he's getting something from his car. "I don't think so," Rory says. We hear Jess's car start up. "He left," Emily says. "Yeah," Rory says. "He left." Emily says that Rory can take some prime rib back for him. She invites Rory in to eat.

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Gilmore Girls




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