Dear CuteDean. Maybe nobody else does, but I sure do miss you. Feel free to make me a car any day of the week. Love, Pamie.
Luke's. Jess comes down and fixes himself coffee and a donut, explaining that he has a few errands to run. Luke wonders how Jess is going to do all of that before school, but Jess reminds him that he now has wheels. Jess tells Luke that he owes him ten bucks from last night, when he took ten bucks out of the register. "I told you a hundred times, do not take money out of the register," says Luke. This means nothing to Jess, so he takes off, having directly disobeyed Luke about three times during this thirty-second segment alone.
Kirk coughs to get some attention. Luke takes out his pad and asks his order. Kirk asks for a patty melt and a Coke. For breakfast? Luke asks if Kirk wants the patty melt cut in half or cut into stars. Kirk asks for a half and half. "Man, that car's a honey," Kirk says, looking over his shoulder at Jess's car. Jess is taking his sweet time driving away. "Dual piston cams, dove-flex overdrive with maximum torque, sixteen-liters side-by-side, firing three on one. Sweet." Luke says that none of what Kirk just said makes any sense. Kirk asks Luke to keep it to himself, since he's developed the reputation around town of being somewhat of a car aficionado, when in reality all he has is a Jan and Dean record. Why is everyone trying to replace CuteDean? Kirk realizes that he might need to give his album another listen. "Yeah, I would," Luke answers. "Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car," Kirk whines. "Or a bike. Or my roller skates back." Does anybody in Stars Hollow even need a car? Jess waits for one townie to get close enough to his car that he might be able to impress/kill, and then peels out with much screeching.
Gypsy is scolding Jackson for not taking care of his truck. Oh, that's right. Jackson has a truck, but that's because he brings food into town. Jackson, outraged, insists that he takes great care of his truck. Gypsy: "This truck doesn't like you." Gypsy tells Jackson that his transmission is shot. Jackson says that he shifts up and down a lot. "Mr. Grind-it-till-you-find-it, eh?" Gypsy asks. Jackson: "Just tell me what needs doing." That's an awkward sentence. Gypsy says it would take less time to tell him what his truck doesn't need. She says he rides his brakes, which is bad for the truck but good for her because it'll pay for her cable. Gypsy's got some expensive cable. Jackson asks if he should just make the check out to her cable company. Gypsy says he'll have to make one out to her milkman as well. Gypsy pulls her hand out of the truck's guts. "And lookee here. You just bought me a couch." Jackson hems and haws as Luke walks up to talk to Gypsy. He says he doesn't want to interrupt, but Jackson insists, saying he needs a break from the gaiety. Luke asks about Jess's car. Gypsy says the car works great. Luke wants to know how she got paid for it. "Mostly twenties," she says. Wow, either that was an impressive stack of bills or the car was pretty cheap. Luke asks if she made sure that Andrew Jackson was on all of them and not Alfred E. Newman. Gypsy said the money looked real to her. Luke asks if a mask or a gun fell out of whatever Jess took the money out of. Gypsy says he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it. Ladies and Gentlemen, oath aside, I just laughed at that line. Those of you with wagers, collect your wins now. Gyspy: "Guys are stupid. You strip your gears. You ride your brakes. And if we don't laugh after we make a joke, you think we're serious." Jackson again insists he doesn't ride his brakes. Luke says he wanted to know it was "on the up and up." Nyeah, see, we're just trying to make sure he's clean, see. On the up-and-up, see. Nyeah. Gypsy says when people pay her cash, she usually doesn't ask where it comes from. Luke thanks her. Gypsy cheers when she finds a trip to Florida inside Jackson's engine.