Gilmore Girls
The Big One

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Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Teen Sex Ruins Lives

Before I begin, I must apologize for the last recap where I said that the Gilmores were Jewish. It was a huge mistake on my part, partially caused by the Chupah fiasco, and all the stuff about Paris being Jewish and then me just not being religious enough to care about any of it. So, sorry. Gilmores: not Jewish. Please stop emailing me about it.

I know it's pointless to bitch about the promos for this show, but watching how they butchered seven episodes to make it look like Jess and Rory had sex is rather insulting to our intelligence, isn't it?

We open with Lorelai sprawled on the couch, reading I'm With the Band for what must be the thirtieth time. Rory is in the comfy chair, reading something school-ish. They share a look and a smile. All strummy-strummy-girly-book happiness ends when the girls see that the mail has arrived. They toss their books over their shoulders and run for the door. Lorelai tells Rory that it's important that she put on her shoes now, because if the Harvard envelope is in today's mail, they're going to start running for the mountains, celebrating, and they won't want to be bogged down with the task of putting Rory's shoes on first. There is some debate about the truth behind that statement, and then Rory opts to put her shoes on, but she won't tie them. I covet both of their outfits in this scene.

At the mailbox, we meet Postal Kirk. Rory and Lorelai hope for a big envelope, because that means Rory got in. Little envelopes mean "she needs to marry rich." Kirk's a laid-back kind of postman, who doesn't sort the mail before he arrives, preferring the surprise of seeing who gets what mail once he's at the mailboxes. Lorelai offers to help, but Kirk informs her that federal law prohibits that kind of action. Kirk delivers a tender monologue about how people need to slow down, but he doesn't deliver any mail. There's a big envelope in his sack, but it's for Mrs. Rita Flora, who died last week. Kirk's upset that they didn't put her mail on hold after she died. Lorelai tells Rory to go inside, saying they'll check the mail on their way to Luke's...for dinner! Ba-dum-bum. Kirk finds a letter for himself and opens it gleefully.

Luke's. Lane's drumming on a jelly jar while discussing drumming. Lorelai eventually makes her stop drumming. Rory explains that Lorelai is crabby this morning. Lorelai explains that she's got deadly allergies, which is to let us know that time has passed and its now spring. I know it was hard to tell from the wardrobe changes, or the fact that the leaves stayed on the trees, but what do you want from Burbank? Lorelai pulls a pack of tablets out of her purse. She found them in Rory's room. Rory says that these pills expired in 1998. "So, what? I should take four?" Lorelai asks. Rory: "Yes, that's exactly my point."

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Gilmore Girls

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