Gilmore Girls
The Big One

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Teen Sex Ruins Lives

Coat check. Richard says the girls did a wonderful job, and then excuses himself to take a phone call from China. He hands Lorelai an envelope of money to give to Rory. He says he'll see them on Friday. Oh, but see, Richard...it is Friday, so you should see him in a couple of...never mind. The coat-check girl did a show with my boyfriend. He told me to tell you that. But she did. ["Wasn't she in Catch Me If You Can, too?" -- Wing Chun] Lorelai tells the coat-check girl that her coat is missing and that she'll fling herself off the building if she can't find it. The coat-check girl says that some of the coats are in another room: "Otherwise the staircase to the roof is on your right." As Lorelai walks, she notes: "Took two hundred years, but somebody at Chilton finally cracked a joke."

Other coat-check room. It's just Lorelai and Max, of course. Small talk, small talk. Rory's okay. Thank God RORY IS OKAY. IS RORY OKAY? IS EVERYTHING OKAY WITH RORY? THANK GOD THE VIRGIN WAS SPARED FROM ANY FURTHUR HUMILIATION. Max says he just realized how hard it must be to be a girl. Thanks, Max. Right back 'atcha. Lorelai gets my favorite line of the night: "And with the invention of Sephora, really expensive, too." Max's hair is really, really gross -- all wet and slicked, like he's a detective. Lorelai and Max kiss for a while. "And apparently I'm not over it," he says, and then exits stage left.

Sookie and Jackson are in bed. Jackson's wearing his wrestler jammies. He wakes up Sookie, who tells him she's not getting rid of her knives. She's also not cutting off the water supply or sanding the edges of her furniture. She says that their kid will have to be bright enough to not shove a hose up his or her nose. Jackson hugs her and says he's really happy. Sookie sits up. Jackson says he's never been happier about anything his entire life: "Our wedding day, but this is running a really close second." They kiss. Jackson asks her to get rid of the knives. She says goodnight. He asks to read her some statistics. She tells him that she loves him.

Lorelai and Rory are walking home discussing Lorelai's latest kiss. Man, she can't keep anything from Rory, can she? Rory asks what this means, to Max and Alex. Lorelai doesn't know, of course. They open the mailbox. There are many big envelopes. Lorelai hands her the first one: "The big one." Rory holds it. "Looks like Paris was right." Lorelai hands her two more: "Apparently you're the biggest virgin in the world." And how. Lorelai asks Rory what she's going to do. Rory says a few times that she doesn't know. Lorelai says that they both have a lot of things to figure out. As they walk to the house, without any kind of celebration, Lorelai wonders the odds of Paris ever having sex again. My doorbell rings. My postman delivers nine more big envelopes from Rory. One from DeVry, one from the Barnum and Bailey clown college, others from UCLA, USC, Second City Conservatory, one from the Burger King Kids Club, Club Monaco, the Grilled Chicken Sandwich Club at Jack in the Box, and one from Academy Sports Superstore. You've got choices, girl. So many choices. Tell Yale we said hello.

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Gilmore Girls

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