CuteDean's sister is pushing CuteDean out of the hotel, whining that all of the "good horses" are going to be taken. CuteDean acts like he only gets to ride the sleigh once and now Rory doesn't get to ride it with him. I don't know. Whatever gets Jess in Rory's sleigh, I guess. We're just going to go with it. Rory tells CuteDean to go ride with his sister as Jess listens evilly.
Bootsy and Luke make stupid small talk I refuse to recap because my Stars Hollow doesn't have Bootsy in it. Lorelai tells Luke to get in her sleigh with her. Luke tries to decline, but Lorelai says that they can pull a Ben-Hur and take down Cardigan Man's sleigh. She then wins him over by saying she can't be "all school-marm-y" and ride by herself. Luke gets in her sleigh as strummy music plays. They discuss the horse's ass. They really do. Lorelai says the town looks beautiful. Luke says it's the same as always. Lorelai says it's magical this time of year. Luke points out the magical plumbing store where he bought a magical part for his wondrous toilet recently. He sees the magical diner he owns where Jess left all of the "stinkin'" lights on. Lorelai asks how the "Jess thing" is going. Luke says it's going well now, and that it was hard and seemed impossible at first, but now that it's not an interesting storyline and we don't really like Jess it seems silly to dwell on his tertiary characterness and we're just going to hope something interesting happens between him and Rory. Or something like that. Luke says that last week he discovered the secret of parenting. "When last week? Last Tuesday?" Lorelai asks. Hee. Luke admits he doesn't know the exact date or time. He says the secret is visualizing the reality you want and then lie if necessary to bring it about. Lorelai can't believe Luke is a liar. She says she'd just lie to Rory when she was little to protect her from getting hurt. Luke says he did something similar. Jess's mother didn't call to see him during winter break. He told Jess that he didn't let him go see his mother and that she was upset. Lorelai says that Jess knows Luke's lying to him. Luke says he did. "He knows," Lorelai says for no reason other than meddling again.
Emily complains to Richard that this sleigh is killing her hair. Richard is having a great time. They talk about having sex. They really do. Emily tells him to stop acting like he's two. She adds that she's not complaining. Richard asks when the last time was they were on a roller coaster. Emily says they've never been on a roller coaster. Richard wants to go on one together. Eventually, Emily agrees to go on one. Richard says he'll get Rory to look one up on the internet.