Gilmore Girls
The Festival Of Living Art

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Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Monet, Monet

Enter Bruce, who says that the bedroom is now prepared for "the baby." She says "the baby" like that, like it's in quotes. "There's someone new here," Bruce says, not happily, to Lorelai. Sookie introduces Lorelai as her best friend, and Bruce immediately intuits that Lorelai is anti-midwife. Lorelai says she's not the source of the anti-midwife energy Bruce is sensing, and Sookie backs Lorelai up. Bruce leaves for the bedroom. Lorelai notes that Bruce has strong hands. Sookie says that Bruce ate a whole jar of crunchy peanut butter in one sitting. Bruce walks by and tells Sookie to lie on her side. Because that's the position she's going to be in for delivering the baby, she wants Sookie to get used to it. "Less tearing this way," Bruce says, prompting Lorelai to beg her to get that image out of her head. Sookie tells Lorelai that Bruce spent two years in China. Lorelai: "Oh, I hear they've got great Chinese food there." Sookie and Lorelai guffaw; Bruce and I remain silent. Bruce asks Lorelai to leave the negativity at home when she's there for the baby's delivery. Lorelai swears she's not anti-midwife, and that being so would be as dumb as being anti-best friend. I'm biting my tongue, Lorelai. Bo and Jackson enter, bickering that Bo was kicking rather than picking Jackson's zucchinis. Bruce immediately puts them to work, saying that at all times they should be doing something to serve "the baby." She sends them out to buy new balloons and flowers for "the baby." The strummy starts as Lorelai sits erect. "She didn't give me any instructions," Lorelai worries. Sookie says it's probably best for Lorelai to remain still until further instruction.

Walking through Stars Hollow, Sookie and Lorelai say that even though Bruce was trying to get rid of them, taking a stroll was a good suggestion. Lorelai gives a shout-out to us and suggests that Bruce might have taken the baby and shoved a pillow under Sookie's clothes when she wasn't looking. Andrew walks up and marvels that Sookie hasn't "popped" yet: "It's like an elephant's gestation!" Kirk's now dressed as Jesus, saying that he's getting into character by focusing on historical foods. Kirk scoops some lentils from a bowl into his mouth. Lorelai asks if they didn't have utensils back then. "No, they had utensils," he says, and walks away. Taylor declares this event an unmitigated disaster. They're missing half of the Last Supper table, and Taylor assumes this is all Hank's doing. Miss Patty says that Hank swears they shipped everything they had. Sookie and Lorelai suggest that they only use half of the table, or use card tables and tv trays for a "funky" last supper. Miss Patty says that they could crowd the apostles around the table. Andrew suggests that they get rid of some of the apostles. Taylor says that this isn't going to work, and that they should just cancel the event. Miss Patty agrees. "No festival," Taylor says, retiring his pen to his clipboard. Sookie tells Lorelai that she needs to keep moving. Taylor tells everyone to start packing it in. "You would fold due simply to hardship?" Kirk asks, rising to his feet. "Would you follow blind guides which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel?" Miss Patty suggests that Kirk eat a candy bar. "Let him talk. What's the harm?" Andrew shouts, sounding like every '80s comedy cliché ever. Kirk begins preaching, taking center stage of the festival planners. "A crisis of faith can be delivered, but one must believe to be delivered." And The WB figures out a way to fit Christ into yet another one of their programs.

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Gilmore Girls

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