Gilmore Girls
The Fundamental Things Apply

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Rory Bores People

Rory wants Tana's help on choosing an outfit for her date. She shows off outfit number four. Tana (who was drawing on her leg) says that men respond subconsciously to a woman's pheromones, so she suggests that Rory run in place until Trevor gets there, and then she'll give off a nice musk. Paris says that they're having a roommates meeting in two minutes. Paris scolds Tana for using Sharpies on her bed. Tana apologizes and leaves. Paris asks Rory why the puppy doesn't pee on Rory's bed. Rory does a quick check in the mirror and joins the meeting. Rory says her date starts in ten minutes, so she needs Paris to "talk fast [sic]." The grumpy Janet, a dead ringer for Louisa mixed with CuteDean's wife, pouts in a chair as Paris says that nobody is on trial. She then proceeds to put Janet on trial. Janet makes a snorting noise. Tana tells Rory that this is thrilling. Paris complains about Janet waking everyone up early to put on nylon shorts and run in a circle. Janet tells Paris that she has a partial athletic scholarship. Paris says that nobody can sleep or breathe, and there are plastic balls everywhere. She points out that Rory missed breakfast the other day. Janet somehow knows that it was because Paris turned off her alarm. She then complains about Paris's stupid craft table, with the glitter and seashells everywhere, and the smell of the glue is so bad that Janet must now give Paris the hand. I miss Paris's life coach. Paris says she makes things that everybody can enjoy. "The coasters I make are for everyone. Those push-ups are for you and you alone." Janet votes to get rid of Craft Corner. Paris protests that it's her emotional homework. Rory asks everyone to calm down. Janet says she's been more than reasonable, and has told herself over and over again to just look at Paris and imagine what kind of hellish life she must have had to turn out that way. Janet is a foot taller than Paris, and when she stands up, shouting that she's sick of Paris's constant negativity, Paris has no other choice but to accuse Janet of being on steroids. Rory's date arrives, looking not unlike a tool in his brown blazer and Gideon Yago-inspired colored striped sweater over a dickey. Paris then challenges Janet to a race, Crafts Corner versus Alarm Clock. They run out of the room and right off of this episode, never to be resolved. Bye, Paris. Hope you make good time. "Now they're gonna have a nice musk," Tana notes. Rory and her date leave. There are no locks on Suite 5's door.

I'm not positive, but I think it's possible that I've been doing this recap for my entire life.

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Gilmore Girls

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