Gilmore Girls
The Fundamental Things Apply

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Rory Bores People

Lorelai answers the door for Luke, who has brought take-out. I'm assuming it's food he made. It's fries and pumpkin pie and a few burgers. Lorelai has already ordered a ton of Chinese food. Lorelai says she'll eat the burgers tonight and the Chinese food during the week. Luke says she should have ordered the Chinese fresh tomorrow, but Lorelai says she doesn't like fresh Chinese food. She brings him a beer. As they sit, Lorelai says that Luke's one click away from Casablanca, but first he has to get situated, squish around a little. Because Lorelai's rules for Movie Night involve not talking during the movie or getting up to go to the bathroom. I don't buy it for a second. Those girls MST3K all the way through most of the films they watch. Lorelai says there are different rules for guilty pleasure movies, though, and asks Luke if he's seen Hardbodies. He hasn't; neither have I. Lorelai then recites the synopsis for Hardbodies. "Let's see that," Luke says. Heh. Lorelai says they're going to watch Casablanca. I hope you've brought toothpicks for your eyes, Luke. All that heavy food and beer might make it a challenge. Lorelai starts the movie. Luke asks what they're looking at. Lorelai stops the film and reminds him that there's no talking during the movie, but more importantly she can't believe that Luke's never seen an FBI warning before. "It's new to me," Luke says. Lorelai calls Luke an UberMonk. Luke tells her to start the movie again. Lorelai makes me giggle with this: "Okay, just one more warning. When they showed the first motion picture over a hundred...years ago. It featured a train rushing toward the camera and people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen." Luke tells her to start the movie. She does. I fall immediately asleep.

Rory's on her date. Trevor gets handed one of those buzzing pager things. Trevor assesses the restaurant as "geeky but cool." He asks if she's ever been to Italy. Rory says she hasn't, and then realizes she was just there about a month ago. "Hard thing to forget," he says. Rory says she's so used to not being anywhere. Trevor asks what Italy is like. "Terrific," Rory says, and offers no more words. Trevor points to a map of other places where this restaurant is located. He tries to make small talk. He says there are two in his hometown. "Now that's a great town," he says. Rory agrees. He asks if she's been there. "Where?" she asks. "Chicago." Dean was from Chicago! I miss Dean! Rory asks if that's where he's from. Trevor says that's where he was pointing. Rory says she's never been to Chicago. Then they kind of awkwardly sit at two empty chairs waiting for them. Trevor tries again, saying he can't believe how much he misses his younger brother. He asks Rory if she has any siblings. Rory says she doesn't, and it isn't until Wing indignantly reminds me how Rory has a half-sister named Gigi that I remember. Rory looks miserable and makes an audible sigh of boredom. Poor Trevor. Rory tells Trevor about how she read an article once on restaurants that have open bowls of mints, and how most people grab mints on their way out of the restroom, leaving urine on the other mints, which you can see under a black light. Who wants dinner? "So they're urine mints," she concludes. "Huh" is the only correct response Trevor can give. Finally they're getting paged. They're seated in a long quiet shot. Trevor decides to sit next to Rory instead of across from her, or at an angle. "Oh," Rory says, right along with me.

Luke is frustrated, because Lorelai's doing that annoying thing where she's watching the person who is watching the movie for the first time. Luke says it's even worse, because whenever she looks at him he knows something important is about to happen. The phone rings while Lorelai rewinds the DVD. "There goes our flow," Luke complains. But it's Rory on the phone. The Earth stops rotating on its axis, Movie Night is paused, and Lorelai takes the phone call. Rory tells Lorelai that the whole night is sucking, and she's got a terrible feeling in her stomach. Lorelai asks if the feeling is sort of frozen, unsure, and wishing she'd read a lot of dating articles before going out. Rory says she has no idea what to do, that Trevor's sitting next to her instead of across from her, and she's bombing every conversation. "I'm moronic," she says. Rory tells Lorelai about the urine mints. Lorelai gasps and asks Luke if he knew about the urine mints. "What?" Luke asks. Hee. Rory complains that her neck hurts from having to crane her head over to see him while he's talking, and she's wondering if she can ask him to move across the table. Lorelai tells Rory to relax and realize that sometimes dates don't go well. Rory says she'll talk later. They hang up.

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Gilmore Girls

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