Rory goes to throw her clothes in the washer, but Lorelai pulls on her arm and whines and begs Rory to eat pizza and talk about her day. Rory drops the basket and starts talking. Rory says that yesterday Janet woke up to find that Paris had chaired her in her room. Okay, so this is Thursday, because Tuesday was Waffle Bar Day and the class meets on Thursdays. But it's strange that on a Thursday Lorelai would make plans for a Friday...dammit! Why do I always get hung up on this stuff? I'll tell you why. Because when I write a script or when I write a novel, people ask, "What day is it? I'm confused because you said this was going to happen on this day, or that this always happens on Wednesdays, but it can't be Wednesday because of this thing happening, right?" That means that people pay attention to time and place because it helps ground us in the storyline. It helps with dramatic build, with tension and conflict. If you don't obey the rules of the world, then it's hard to sympathize with your characters. Yes, I'm turning my recap into a writing seminar. I'm putting it in place of where rising dramatic action or conflict should have been in this conflict-less episode.
Anyway, Janet glued Paris's glue gun shut. Rory says that "this war" is getting out of hand. I guess it's a war, but whatever. Whoa. Okay, confusing. Rory says that this morning Paris turned off her alarm and made her almost miss breakfast. But we already know that happened on Tuesday, and if it's Tuesday, then Rory's class would be a Tuesday-Thursday class, which makes sense, but Trevor said he'd see her next week and asked what she was doing this weekend, so unless Trevor's planning on skipping this Thursday, or...dammit! Rory retells the story of running into Marty, but Lorelai prefers to call him "Naked Guy." Lorelai asks if Naked Guy is hot. Rory has to answer this question while walking, and says that he's just Marty, and it's not like that with him. "He's sweet." Lorelai gets it: "Ah. 'Sweet' means bad butt." Rory protests. But "sweet" can also mean "extremely unfunny" or "wears shirts unironically" or "crazy nose hair." Rory hands Lorelai a plate, and says that she's just met Marty, so there's no reason to obsess over him.
Rory grabs bottles of water as Lorelai asks if there are any other guys on the horizon. Rory says there aren't. Lorelai hopes that Rory dates a nice older professor. Yikes, ew and wha? As they walk back to the living room, Rory confesses that Trevor did ask her out for this weekend. She tells Lorelai that she told Trevor that she was busy, not because she doesn't like him ("he's smart and he takes my side in the debates and he's decent to look at" -- well, why don't you just marry him, then?), but he carries a water bottle and Rory thinks that's weird. "Right, hydration," Lorelai says. "Very creepy." Rory complains about him being preppy. And she somehow knows he's studying at Barcelona next year. "So it's a waste of time; it's not going anywhere." Lorelai says it could go to dinner or a movie. Lorelai says that Rory's never really dated. Rory scoffs at the notion, saying she's dated. Lorelai points out that Rory's only had two relationships -- Dean and Jess. I'd like to mention Ryan Phillliipppe here as well, as I think that he counts. And Jess wasn't a relationship; it was a spin-off device. Rory turns the tables and says that Lorelai's never really dated either. I do believe that we've watched Lorelai make mistake after mistake this season while we waited around for something to happen with Luke or Max or whomever. There was the guy from her business school, and Rune, and Alex. Rory says that Lorelai didn't date anyone for seventeen years after having a baby (which makes me profoundly sad, and I don't buy it for a second). Rory says that Lorelai had a second relationship with Christopher, which isn't really true, unless it doesn't bother Rory that Christopher was having two relationships at once. Lorelai says that even if she's not the world's best dater, Rory owes it to herself to give it a shot. She says that there's nothing else to do in college other than date. Rory excuses herself to wash her clothes. "Was that it?" Lorelai asks the empty room. "Is this conversation over? Sorry, did I win?" All questions I'm wondering as well as we fade to commercial.
Luke's. Lorelai's sitting with the designer, so it's Friday now. She's pulled together four tables to chat with Traci Elizabeth Lords, who starts the scene with her mouth open, and then proceeds to over-enunciate her way right out of your heart. But man, she had to have known that they were starting her out with a joke. She hands Lorelai a book about castles of Ireland and says, "There's a room in here that I've always wanted to do." Hee! Luke walks over and asks what they're doing. He's just now noticed them? Luke's only has about ten tables. Lorelai brags that she's looking at Anaglypta wallpaper. Lorelai introduces Traci Elizabeth Lords as Natalie Zimmerman. It's not really a shout-out that she shares my sister's name, right? Great. Lorelai tells Luke that she's so excited that the inn is going to have horses. "The property already has stables," Traci Lords informs us, "so why not?" Because it's a hotel? Lorelai blabbers on about how much she loves horses and has always wanted them since she was a little girl. She says she finally has an excuse to buy a pony. Traci Lords flashes a scary smile. Luke calls Lorelai "National Velvet" and tells her she's got to get out of there, because people can't sit at the table. "This is business!" Lorelai scolds. Luke informs her that she's actually seated inside his business, and his business would like its seats back. Lorelai waves him away and apologizes to Traci Lords, saying that Luke is trying to steal the "World's Grumpiest Diner Guy" title away from Mel. There's some unimportant chatter here about Anaglypta wallpaper. Traci Lords says that Emily has some in her upstairs guest bathroom. Sound of needle scratching record. Lorelai turns into some kind of fairy tale wicked witch, wanting to know who should utter that woman's name in her presence. As much as she knew that Traci Lords had done a lot of people, she really hates the fact that Traci Lords has already done her mom. Traci Lords smiles and says it's a small world. Lorelai says the world is about as small as the box they threw McCain in. I said she was a wicked witch; the jokes, they simply agree with me. But the best is the look that Traci Lords gives Lorelai after the joke, pausing for a really long time because she's sure it's a joke but she doesn't get it, so she's not sure what kind of face to register, so she opts for a frozen half-grin that looks mostly terrified, but you can see in her eyes she's counting to three.