Tana is soldering, and she couldn't be happier about it. In the background, Janet laces her shoes for a very long time. Tana's so giddy about soldering for hours that Rory suggests she give it a rest for a little while. Seriously: Janet is still tying her one shoe. Paris wants to know who left a gigantic football jersey in the living room. It's Janet's boyfriend's, and Paris is unhappy that his things are lying around. Actually, she seems just to be unhappy that Janet has a boyfriend, and that he's allowed to be seen in public with her. I really don't think it's worth recapping a single one of the off-character fat jokes that Paris unleashes for the next half-hour, but know that Paris has never been this rude. Ever. And Janet's all, "Stop. Don't. Enough." And Paris just goes on and on about how enormous Janet's boyfriend is, and how disgusting it is that he's so large, and how he's worthy of the circus. And then she goes on about how he's stupid, prompting Janet to comment, "Bitter little woman." She tells Paris that jealousy doesn't become her: "Neither does makeup or a hairstyle." Rory asks the girls to break it up. Janet tells Paris that she drove her own boyfriend away, so she hates that anyone else has one. She suggests that Paris go and sits in her bedroom so that she can get used to what the rest of her life is going to be. "I'm not alone," says Paris. Janet asks Paris who her boyfriend is. Paris, who can't answer that question, backs down. Paris hates backing down. "Very sad," Janet says, and leaves. The foley artist goes out of control as Paris storms out of the room. Was she wearing stilettos?
In the bedroom, Paris threatens to kill Janet by squeezing her neck until her expandable hair falls out. Rory wants to nap, but first she has to console Paris, who wishes she could tell everyone about Professor Fleming. Rory asks to borrow Paris's notes so that she can skip another class. Paris actually does have a Noam Chomsky poster in her dorm room. Where did they find a Noam Chomsky poster? That's awesome.
Lorelai's house. Phone rings. Lorelai doesn't get to the phone in time, so we hear Rory leave another message about missing her again. It's unclear why Rory has taken a job at the school as a card-swiper for the cafeteria. I mean, if her grandparents are paying for Yale, then she wouldn't need a work-study job, and those kinds of jobs are for students putting themselves through school, right? And if Rory is so overworked, I would imagine the job for extra money would be the first thing to go. Lorelai calls Rory back, but gets her voicemail. Lorelai says she's proud of Rory for being such a wonderful card-swiper, and is upset that she's missing this monumental moment in Rory's life. She tells Rory to call her cell or to catch her at Digger's later on.