Mia, Rory, and Lorelai are walking in the dark to the town meeting. Rory is upset that they are late, because Cardigan Man has threatened them with "severe consequences" for being tardy in the past. They meet up at Luke's; Luke jumps when he sees them. Lorelai makes the lamest joke ever about Luke having his phasers set on stun, and nobody laughs. Lorelai says they should celebrate being early by going into the diner and having some pie. It would make them late, but she wants pie. Luke says he's harassing her (he pronounces it "hah-rahs"). Lorelai says they are merely his groupies. They start cooing that Luke is keen.
The meeting has already started and everyone turns around to stare. Luke asks why the meeting has already started. Cardigan Man admits that the business community had a special issue they wanted to discuss, so they started early. Luke points out that he's in the business community, and he wasn't told about this meeting. Cardigan Man confesses that they didn't invite him because the meeting is about the Jess Situation. Luke says that there isn't a "Jess Situation." Rory and Lorelai take their seats. Cardigan Man tells Luke that if he had dealt with Jess weeks ago when he first started causing trouble, then they wouldn't be in this predicament now. He says he lost business because of the chalk outline. Mrs. Lanahan couldn't get her lettuce for her lunch, so she had to drive to Woodbury to buy her lettuce. He asks Mrs. Lanahan for confirmation, but she's the oldest Stars Hollow resident (you remember her from the traffic light?), so she's asleep. Lorelai pats her on the shoulder and tells her she really shouldn't be driving. Cardigan Man says that Mrs. Lanahan was telling other market shoppers that the Woodbury lettuce was crisper, so he lost business. Luke offers to pay Cardigan Man for five heads of lettuce, but they're upset about everything Jess has done. He's stolen money and lawn gnomes and hooted at dancers in Miss Patty's studio. He stole a hose from Fran's yard and set off the fire alarm at the school. Lorelai shouts that Jess also controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter. Man, these jokes are flat. He really has caused lots of trouble, and it doesn't seem like Luke's accepting responsibility for Jess's actions. Bootsy stands up and decides to comment. Turns out that Bootsy and Luke are rivals from grade school. They bicker and shout at each other and they both develop Brooklyn accents for some reason. Lorelai shouts another Star Trek joke into the meeting. Cardigan Man says that Stars Hollow was a better place before Jess got there. Luke says he's lived there his entire life, which is longer than most people there. Bootsy says he's five weeks older than Luke, so he's been there five weeks longer. Luke says he's done the best he could. He pays his taxes and is a member of the community. Lorelai says that if there's a problem with Jess -- even though they're not saying there is a problem -- then they should talk to Luke about it before they storm in his diner with pitchforks and torches. Um, they did. Cardigan Man went in there to talk to Luke and Luke told him to fuck off. Luke storms off and says he was going to keep the diner open late so they could eat after the meeting, but now he's not going to. Everyone's upset and Bootsy complains that Luke's turkey burgers are very dry.