Gilmore Girls
The Ins And Outs Of Inns

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Mamma Mia!

Luke's diner. Jess walks by and ignores a woman holding out her mug for coffee. At a nearby table, Luke is giving Lorelai business advice on the inn. Luke mentions that Lorelai will get to name the inn, and Lorelai explains that she's bad at naming things, what "naming things" means, and that she and Rory could only come up with "The Crap Shack" for their house. Jess walks over with coffee and Lorelai asks how he's doing. He says he's not bleeding, and Lorelai remarks that it's going to be a good day, then. Jess announces that it's 7:45 and asks whether Luke wants him to go to school. He says that Luke will be violating several child-labor laws if he doesn't release Jess. Jess puts the coffee pot on the table and walks off. Luke tells Jess to stay out of trouble. "Guess that means calling off the chickie run down at the salt flax," it sounds like Jess says. My closed captioning gave up on the sentence after "chickie run." Luke yells at Jess to leave. "Wow," Lorelai says. "So much...love." Luke asks whether Lorelai and Sookie have a place in mind. Lorelai says it's the old "Rachel property." Luke isn't so happy that the place is named after his ex-girlfriend. Lorelai explains that they just call it the Rachel property because Rachel took pictures of it, and the name sort of stuck (even though it has a name -- the Dragonfly); Lorelai offers to change it if it bothers Luke. She tries to think of something, and says "The Crap Shack" is already taken. This is the woman who names toolboxes and hammers and tiny statues and pillows but she's supposedly bad at naming houses and buildings? I'm not buying that at all. Luke tells her she doesn't have to change the name of the place on his account. Lorelai asks whether Luke's dad taught him everything about business. Luke says that his dad didn't even have a checking account until Luke got old enough to get one. His dad bought this place with cash and didn't have a bookkeeper or an accountant or anybody. He did it all on his own. Luke says that when he took over the business, he just dove in on his own and took the risk and accepted his fate. Lorelai says she feels the same way, except she doesn't want to just dive in and she's doing it with Sookie and not alone and she can't fail and she doesn't want to tempt fate. But other than that: same philosophy. Luke says he has to get back to work, and asks whether Lorelai is going to write off this lunch as a business expense. Lorelai says she's not paying for it. Nice. Take the man away from his work, make him make you breakfast and give you business advice and then not pay for his time, his food, or his advice. Luke tells Lorelai she's going to do just fine.

Lorelai and Sookie are still discussing names for the inn as Michel walks up and listens. Sookie offers something "simple" like "The Country Rose." That's such a gross name. It sounds like a strip club. Lorelai offers "The Inn By the Hollow" which sounds like a ghost story to me. Michel offers "The Money Pit." Sookie and Lorelai start booing him, but he continues, offering "The Outhouse," and "The Inn Heading for Bankruptcy." Michel says he's only saying this because he cares about them and informs them that most new businesses go down within two years. Lorelai says that they'll be the most exciting two years of their lives. Michel hands Lorelai some papers that just arrived, but since they don't involve the Independence Inn, it wasn't within his official duties to hand the papers to her, so he's taking an extra-long lunch break. "So genuine," Sookie says. Lorelai reads the papers and announces that they know who owns The Rachel Property. Sookie hopes aloud that it's not Donald Trump. It's Fran, the sweet lady from the bakery, known as The Cupcake Lady. They know that knocking Fran down will be a piece of cake, pun intended. Sookie says they could name the inn "Fran's Old Place" and it'd be like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, where everyone is trying to figure out who Fran is. When I see Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, I'm always wondering if it is two different people or if "Chris" is some kind of adjective.

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Gilmore Girls

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