Gilmore Girls
The Ins And Outs Of Inns

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Mamma Mia!

Sookie's kitchen. Lorelai moans that she can't believe she hadn't told Mia about their plan to buy their own inn yet. She feels terrible, and realizes she should have told Mia a long time ago. Lorelai's cell phone goes off. It's Emily, complaining that Rory won't pose for the picture in an appropriate manner. Didn't Emily say at dinner last Friday that the picture would be done Saturday morning? In any event, Rory is unhappy because Emily wants her to pose with her arm over her head like a ballerina. Lorelai says that Rory shouldn't have to sit in a silly position, and that Emily should pick something simpler. Emily says she originally wanted the swan to sit regally aside Rory's throne. "'Swan'? 'Throne'!" Lorelai says. She says that swans and thrones mean "Siegfried and Roy." Emily doesn't know who those people are, and says that Lorelai would probably have Rory just sitting, reading a book. Lorelai says that Rory sitting with a book is very natural, and the perfect picture for the study. Emily says it might not be a bad idea, and lets Rory lower her arm. The Foley artist hits "Play" on track sixteen: swan croak. Rory jumps; Emily looks off-screen and says she thinks the swan is just hungry. Wah-wahhhh! Swan humor!

Lorelai hangs up and asks Sookie how she's supposed to tell Mia that she's leaving the Inn. Sookie suggests they get Mia drunk. Mia and Michel walk in discussing a problem with a lamp being too short. Michel makes a suggestion, and Mia tells him it's a great idea. She realizes she understood every word he said. They celebrate and leave the kitchen. Lorelai tells Sookie she doesn't want to ruin Mia's celebratory moment. Sookie starts clucking, because Lorelai is a chicken.

Mia, Rory, and Lorelai are walking in the dark to the town meeting. Rory is upset that they are late, because Cardigan Man has threatened them with "severe consequences" for being tardy in the past. They meet up at Luke's; Luke jumps when he sees them. Lorelai makes the lamest joke ever about Luke having his phasers set on stun, and nobody laughs. Lorelai says they should celebrate being early by going into the diner and having some pie. It would make them late, but she wants pie. Luke says he's harassing her (he pronounces it "hah-rahs"). Lorelai says they are merely his groupies. They start cooing that Luke is keen.

The meeting has already started and everyone turns around to stare. Luke asks why the meeting has already started. Cardigan Man admits that the business community had a special issue they wanted to discuss, so they started early. Luke points out that he's in the business community, and he wasn't told about this meeting. Cardigan Man confesses that they didn't invite him because the meeting is about the Jess Situation. Luke says that there isn't a "Jess Situation." Rory and Lorelai take their seats. Cardigan Man tells Luke that if he had dealt with Jess weeks ago when he first started causing trouble, then they wouldn't be in this predicament now. He says he lost business because of the chalk outline. Mrs. Lanahan couldn't get her lettuce for her lunch, so she had to drive to Woodbury to buy her lettuce. He asks Mrs. Lanahan for confirmation, but she's the oldest Stars Hollow resident (you remember her from the traffic light?), so she's asleep. Lorelai pats her on the shoulder and tells her she really shouldn't be driving. Cardigan Man says that Mrs. Lanahan was telling other market shoppers that the Woodbury lettuce was crisper, so he lost business. Luke offers to pay Cardigan Man for five heads of lettuce, but they're upset about everything Jess has done. He's stolen money and lawn gnomes and hooted at dancers in Miss Patty's studio. He stole a hose from Fran's yard and set off the fire alarm at the school. Lorelai shouts that Jess also controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter. Man, these jokes are flat. He really has caused lots of trouble, and it doesn't seem like Luke's accepting responsibility for Jess's actions. Bootsy stands up and decides to comment. Turns out that Bootsy and Luke are rivals from grade school. They bicker and shout at each other and they both develop Brooklyn accents for some reason. Lorelai shouts another Star Trek joke into the meeting. Cardigan Man says that Stars Hollow was a better place before Jess got there. Luke says he's lived there his entire life, which is longer than most people there. Bootsy says he's five weeks older than Luke, so he's been there five weeks longer. Luke says he's done the best he could. He pays his taxes and is a member of the community. Lorelai says that if there's a problem with Jess -- even though they're not saying there is a problem -- then they should talk to Luke about it before they storm in his diner with pitchforks and torches. Um, they did. Cardigan Man went in there to talk to Luke and Luke told him to fuck off. Luke storms off and says he was going to keep the diner open late so they could eat after the meeting, but now he's not going to. Everyone's upset and Bootsy complains that Luke's turkey burgers are very dry.

Outside, Rory, Mia, and Lorelai leave the meeting together, talking about how upset Luke is. Lorelai says he'll calm down. Rory says she's going to go check on CuteDean because he's been scraping the chalk outline in front of Cardigan Man's store for two days now. Um, the garden hose that Jess stole from Fran's yard? Is that the only garden hose in all of Stars Hollow? Does that arts and crafts store some special kind of chalk that doesn't come up with water or soap and must be scraped away? And why is CuteDean working at this hour? Lorelai says that CuteDean can't work as quickly when Rory is attached to his face, but Rory leaves anyway. Mia tells Lorelai that she's having a great time, and that she's so proud of Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai tells Mia that she and Sookie want to open their own inn. She says she loves the Independence and they love Mia, but they feel like they need to do this. Mia isn't disappointed at all. She says she knew Lorelai wouldn't work for her forever, and that Sookie and Lorelai are very talented. She says she wants to help them in any way she can, and asks what the time frame is. Lorelai says they're just waiting for this perfect location to free up, and then it'll happen, and that she'll tell Mia as soon as she knows. So, basically, they're not moving on the place at all because they're waiting for Fran to die, but they don't know what Fran has in her will about the place. Why would she even tell Mia, when there's no real inn in their future? Mia asks Lorelai to bump things up and move faster on their own inn because now she can sell the Independence Inn. She says she gets offers all the time, but that she always turns them down because she didn't want to abandon Lorelai and Sookie and everyone, but now she doesn't have to worry about them anymore. Lorelai is upset, since she's going to lose the Inn, and she doesn't really have another inn yet; now Mia won't be her competition, but some big chain will be. She doesn't say any of that, though. Mia's very happy she finally gets mad cash and the Inn is off her back. Mia and Lorelai walk past the Official Town Troubadour as Daniel Palladino checks another "Character I Created Cameo" off his list.

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