Gilmore Girls
The Lorelais' First Day At Yale

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
But What About The Mattress?!

Out in the hallway, Lorelai gives her assessment of Tana: "Odd, but nice." Really? Guess you gals haven't come across that kind of personality before. If only there were a place where all the odd but nice people could live, and have pageants and contests and festivals, where someone could open an ice cream shoppe or a dance parlor or a Pancake World, where everybody knows everybody, but nobody dates anybody except Lorelai or Rory. Hmm. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Lorelai says this is it. She tells Rory to learn a lot of stuff and to keep in touch. Rory promises to exchange Christmas cards and maybe send a letter once a year with an update. Lorelai tells Rory not to joke anymore, and that she's only masking her pain. Rory will be home in, like, three minutes for Friday dinner with Emily. Lorelai: "I love you. Did you know that?" Rory says she suspected it. They hug. A guy bustles by holding a box with a mini-fridge in it. Lorelai is instantly furious that she didn't get Rory a mini-fridge. She says that Rory needs one for late-night cram sessions when everything's closed. She looks into another dorm room and realizes all of the things Rory will need that she didn't get, like an area rug, or vases with fake flowers, or trashcans, or things to make the room cozy. I can't believe Lorelai hasn't mentioned anything about Rory's co-ed dorm. Lorelai says she is going to make another trip to bring back Rory everything her precious heart needs for her first day at Yale. My parents were upset that I took two bath towels from their matched set. Lorelai says she'll be back in a couple of hours. "Copper boom," she says. Rory asks what that meant. Lorelai says it was what Rory said this morning when she was trying to hurry her up. Rory says that Lorelai missed a bunch of stuff in between. Lorelai says it's catchy, and tells Rory to go unpack. They shout "copper boom!" to each other. Lorelai starts looking in a grown man's Container Store container for ideas until Rory chastises her. "Copper boom!" Lorelai leaves. Was I the only one who didn't even remember "copper boom" or was it because I was busy making a wager at the time those lines were said?

Lawyers at Luke's. They are three Suits, who are representing Nicole in the settlement. They all but accuse Luke of pulling an Anna Nicole, trying to bilk this lady out of all her hard-earned cash. Luke says he doesn't want anything from Nicole, so all this legal wrangling is unnecessary. Two of the lawyers there are the Steins; the other guy is too busy reciting seven sentences that go, "I'm a ___ man." Over and over again. He says he knows that nobody wants nothing. Stein 1 asks Luke why won't hire a lawyer. Luke says that lawyers waste time and money, and slither into people's lives when people are at their most vulnerable and then they suck like leeches until their prey is penniless. "I can see why the marriage went bad," Stein 2 cracks. Not Stein says that if Luke doesn't get a lawyer, he could end up with absolutely nothing. Luke shouts, "That's what I want!" Wait, now Stein 2 says the other lawyers name is Petucchio, not Petruchio. Bummer. I liked it better thinking the lawyers were all named after Shakespearean things. Luke pulls Lorelai over to be a character witness for him, worried that the lawyers are "going to multiply like The Matrix." Lorelai says she can vouch for Luke. She knows that he cared for Nicole, and that he and Nicole both apparently got a little rash. Lorelai corrects herself, saying they didn't get something they have to apply a salve to twice daily, but that they hastily entered into a union. But Luke wouldn't have done that for Nicole's money. She calls him a happy hermit, who lives in a place fit for Hare Krishnas. He only likes fishing and baseball, and he already owns a reel and a television set, so he's all...set. "Because when I think of Luke Danes, I think nothing." The lawyers threaten to "kick this up a notch." Luke finally admits there's something he'd like. Perhaps to talk to Nicole in person? Jeez, did Luke do something to offend her that he can't just call her up and settle this normally? Luke tells an incredibly long story about his time with Nicole on the cruise, where they kept getting suckered into seeing the "entertainment," which consisted of a man playing music off crystal glasses. He was the fill-in the next night when the Sinatra impersonator cancelled. Then they met a couple the third night and get suckered into seeing the glass-player again: "Three nights in a row. Three hours total. Well, that's what I want. I want those three hours back." The lawyers speak a bunch of jargon while trying to determine if they can award Luke three hours. They leave. "Wow," Lorelai says. Luke says he's exhausted. Lorelai apologizes for barging in. I don't actually remember her barging, but whatever. Lorelai brags that she got the truck back before 4. She swears that it's not wrecked, but admits that there's still an issue. She asks if she can use it a while longer. "Because you wrecked it and it's in the shop," Luke says. Lorelai warns him not to alienate his chief character witness.

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Gilmore Girls

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