Watching this clip from The Polar Express makes me want to hit the X button on my Playstation controller to skip ahead the badly acted, oddly soulless, dead-eyed actors in the skits between the actual videogame and go back to the real fun.
Lorelai really loves her food. T.J. is still there, sitting just over Luke's shoulder, asking for another minute to pull himself together. Lorelai offers T.J. something to eat, which infuriates Luke, who wants nothing more than for this man to go back home to his wife. Lorelai says he's probably hungry after being there for over half an hour. T.J. goes back to the moaning and crying, and says he appreciates it, being in escarow and all.
Rory listens to a gaggle of douches debate which Mercedes is the best. Yawn. Even the actors clearly have no idea what they're talking about. Rory excuses herself.
Rory goes into a room and calls Lorelai, who answers the phone, "I told you." Wow, Luke's night has totally gone down the crapper. Rory asks Lorelai if she really needs to keep gloating. She fills her mom in on what's happening, and Lorelai feels bad for Rory. Isn't it just terrible, how she's trapped in a mansion in her gown and jewels, the center of all attention, meeting Yale's elite? Poor Rory. So sad she has to wait another hour for her boyfriend to take her out on a date. How does she handle it all? Luke's just sitting there. Lorelai tries to tell Rory the twelve ways out of the house. She thinks that Emily and Richard don't know how to escape out the basement. She's wrong. Rory decides to sit through the rest of the party because Dean's on his way. "They played you, kid," Lorelai says. "I hate that they did that." Rory hangs up.
Luke asks what the matter is. Lorelai says it's nothing a little patricide won't solve. She calls her parents, but the wait staff picks up the phone, and the person who answers doesn't speak English, or pretends not to, to the point where she doesn't know the words "Emily Gilmore." Lorelai asks to speak to someone who knows English, preferably the person in the background who just said the word "salmon." There's a knock at Luke's door. It's Liz. Luke tells her to get her husband. Lorelai's still trying to get someone on the phone as Liz tells T.J. that he can't just barge in on Luke and Lorelai's date. T.J. says he can't deal with Liz right now. She says he's ruining their evening. T.J. does his bad Joey Tribbiani impression to say that he's just sitting there, not doing anything, not ruining anybody's night. Luke asks them to go downstairs to talk. Not that anyone wants to eat their dinner in the diner, I guess. Liz calls T.J. unbelievable, and then they're back in their huge fight, screaming at each other. Luke screams at them to shut up because he has neighbors. Liz is screaming at T.J. for wearing her shoes, and T.J.'s screaming for thinking that something is hers and not theirs, even though they're in escarow. Liz says she's fed up with his drama. She thinks her head is going to explode from his tantrums. T.J. squeals, "My tantrums?," and Liz turns away, hands up, saying she can't take this anymore. She can't even look at him. She locks herself in the bathroom. Luke tells T.J. to get her out of there. "Nope!" T.J. screams. "That's exactly what she wants!" Okay, Luke. New plan. Grab the food, grab the girl, and go to her big, empty, quiet house. NOW. T.J. cries that he's going to start all over again with composing himself. Luke tells Lorelai that Liz is in the bathroom. Lorelai tells him to calm T.J. down while she talks to Liz. Luke says Lorelai was right: having family in town is fun.