At Luke's, things are not going so well. All the orders are wrong and Luke is running around during his busy time. Cesar tells him that "the stove is going blinky," but Luke doesn't have time. An adolescent girl in a crazy bike helmet comes in and tries to get Luke's attention. He tells her to sit down and finally looks up to notice her headgear. "What the hell are you wearing?" he asks. Flatly, she tells him it's a bike helmet. Luke: "For what kind of bike?" The girl: "A Schwinn." Whoever the kid is, I love her. She gives him a bike safety lecture, and then follows him around until he finally talks to her. She wrestles the helmet off ("It takes a minute") and explains her reason for being there. She needs his hair, with the roots, for her science fair. "Every year, Samuel Folotsky wins the science fair," she says. "Now, it's very important that I beat him this year, because I hate him." HA! I love nerdy kids, for real. She explains, further, that she needs Luke's hair because her project is going to be her finding her father through DNA testing. Luke is, as you might imagine, stunned to hear this, but she goes on matter-of-factly to explain that she figures this will be perfect for the fair. "Real science," she says. "DNA testing, with a flash of human drama. Who's my daddy? Huh? Catchy, right?" Luke is babbling now. He doesn't understand why she's there to get his hair, but the girl goes on: if she wins, not only will she get a prize, but she'll get to go to a special spaghetti banquet at which she can choose from at least ten different kinds of spaghetti. "I already know what I'm getting," she says, as Luke sputters. "Split order: half mushroom, half muenster cheese." Luke, still wrestling with the original subject: "No..." But she shakes her head. "Yes," she says, "that's what I'm getting." And with that, she reaches up, jerks out one of Luke's hairs ["but he has so few to spare!" -- Wing Chun], snaps his picture and heads out, shouting for him to wish her luck. A few words about this shark-jumping storyline: it's stupid. HOWEVER, the kid is undeniably awesome. How to deal with this? I am torn. Frankly, the Secret Kid plot is tired and dumb, and there is already a premium on inappropriately-conceived and badly-parented children on this very program. But...the girl was wearing glasses and had a charming lisp. Damn you, Palladinos, you know the way to my heart.
Episode Report CardAl Lowe: A- | 416 USERS: C+
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