Lorelai has a craaaazy dream. Paul Anka the dog and Paul Anka the man meet on the cosmic thoroughfare and are transformed into one. Rory is still passive-aggressively thwarting Logan's attempts to get on with their relationship. He accuses her of intentionally embarrassing him, which maybe she is, and he goes off on one of his lame Life and Death trips with a dramatic "I'll see you." To make herself feel better, she runs away to Philly, where...Luke is finding that his trip with April's math team is more a lesson in chemistry: April likes an actual boy. He takes her to meet Jess at his new bookstore, where worlds collide and she also meets Rory, who has come there to confuse Jess even further than he already is. Speaking of April, Emily speaks out for us all when she chastises Lorelai for not insisting on getting to know April. And in a gorgeous, thirty-second closing scene, Lorelai unleashes all her pent-up wedding angst on Lane's ugly bridal gown.
Rory answers her cell phone to hear Lorelai talking about a weird dream she had last night. "Weirder than the one where you step into a boxing ring," Rory asks, "and your hands are suddenly giant cream puffs?" Lorelai says it's way weirder. In this dream, she (cue sinister violins) took Paul Anka for a walk. Rory wonders what's so weird about that, seeing as how her mom walks Paul Anka every day. "No," Lorelai says. "Not the dog, Paul Anka. The real Paul Anka." Rory is amazed. "Whoa," she says. "Was he nice?" Lorelai says that he was very pleasant. Rory listens on, amazed, as Lorelai explains how, suddenly, Paul Anka chases a cat into the street. "The real Paul Anka?" Rory asks. But no, it's the dog Paul Anka. "You know, you didn't train him well enough," Rory says. "Too much affection, not enough discipline." Rory, she's talking about the dog, Paul Anka, not the daughter, you. Lorelai goes on with this amazing dream: she follows the dog Paul Anka into the market, where he, the real Paul Anka, apparently has a job. (The real) Paul Anka has one hilarious line, telling a customer she has a good "cucumber eye," after which we follow him to Luke's apartment, where he's giving a concert. Before you ask, it's the dog Paul Anka -- he's sitting at a little mic stand in front of an audience, presumably about to go on break toverbally abuse his band -- and though this is cute, and Lauren Graham slays me in the way she's talking about it, I kind of feel like someone wrote this scene to punish me by making me type it out. Ultimately, (the real) Paul Anka is found in the diner, sitting creepily on Babette's lap. He turns and sees the dog, Paul Anka, in the middle of the street. The time has come: the two Paul Ankas are face to face when a blinding light engulfs the town like some kind of Highlander showdown, and Lorelai wakes up. Paul Anka: There can be only one. "So I guess I was wondering," Lorelai concludes, "if you'd heard anything about a small Connecticut town being sucked up into an evil demon vortex, or cast into the fourth dimension or anything?" Uh, no, nothing like that, though I have heard a lot of rumors about this show being plunged into a hell dimension, if you can believe the raging emoticons flying around the internet. Rory says no, also, and adds that no bad news has recently come out about Paul Anka. After having Lorelai check her hands for signs of creampuffiness, she concludes that it's safe for everyone to go about their business.