Gilmore Girls
The Real Paul Anka

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Please Stand Up

Luke is comforting a looney Cesar about running the diner while he is gone for ten days. First of all, Luke has gone away before and left Cesar to run the place just fine; and secondly...TEN days? A junior high math team is going on a trip from CT to Philly for ten entire days? Did I miss that before? To do WHAT? The last time I went on a ten-day trip was my honeymoon, which yes, was a few days more than ten, but that covered three countries other than my own. Cesar is worried that he'll burn the place down, and doesn't appreciate it when Luke says he'll do fine. "Stop saying that," Cesar insists. "It's bad luck!" How is that bad luck? Exasperated, Luke says that, all right, Cesar's going to suck at it and give everybody salmonella. Luke asks Lorelai, who has just walked in, to tell Cesar everything will be fine. "And jinx it for him?" she says. "No way." Luke throws up his hands and notices that Lorelai is holding a hanging bag. It's packed with some slightly dressier clothes, she says, just in case. Instead of thanking her, he brushes her off, saying that he probably won't need it during the ten days of diners and fast food with the kids. "See, that's what the phrase 'just in case' covers," she explains, though I think it's up to Luke to learn these lessons on his own. However, since he took Anna up on her nice gesture, why not do the same with Lorelai's? That's all I'm saying. He curmudgeonishly agrees to take it, but still doesn't thank her.

Lorelai picks up the Anna Bag, and all passive-aggressively wonders if it's sturdy enough to carry. She jerks it around, hoping to break it, I'm sure, and as much as I'd like Lorelai to just SAY IT already about her unhappiness with their relationship, I like her abuse of the bag. Because (a) it's kind of fug; and (b) it is nowhere near large enough to accommodate a grown man on this ten-day odyssey he's going on. That is, unless he's planning on wearing the same shirt every day and washing his socks out in a motel sink. Lorelai bangs the bag up and down on a stool, saying that it's always best to take luggage that could withstand Gorilla testing, in reference to the old Samsonite TV ads. Luke's pretty much "whatever" about the whole luggage conversation and, declining Kirk's repeated offer to run the place, even though Kirk has his own hairnet, heads out. Lorelai gets another good smack in to the Anna Bag as she rams it into the door.

At Luke's truck, Luke and Lorelai are once again accosted by Cesar, who runs out to confirm Luke's itinerary. Cesar shares my frustration at the length of this trip. "In my day you learned two plus two and you stayed home," he says. "Today they got contests and go on the road like they're Metallica or something." This, of course, immediately conjures up the image of Metallica in a math contest, and I weep with laughter. Well, you know, they do have that song "One," which may be as high as all Metallica members, past and present combined, can count. During the itinerary review, Luke tells Lorelai that, during their Philadelphia stop, he'll be dropping in on Jess at the bookstore, where he works. (I thought he co-owned it, but whatever.) He describes the place, mentioning that they publish "'zines" as if Luke would ever know what a 'zine is. "They're having an open house," he says. "I'm taking April. It'll give Jess a chance to meet his little cousin." Lorelai nods, clutching the Anna Bag. "Oh," she says, hoisting the bag. "So, anywhere in the back, then?" And, with that, she slings that bag into the back of the truck like Catfish Hunter, throwing a dirty one straight at a batter. I love her for it, because...shit, I mean, April can meet everybody in the whole damn town, and now Jess? Who lives out of town? And Luke's all casual about it? I hate him. And I hate it that Lorelai won't say anything about it, STILL, because that's just stupid. Or, at least, let us SEE the conversation where Luke says he wants to hold off introducing April to his fiancée, for whatever reason. That would make more sense.

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Gilmore Girls

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