Gilmore Girls
The Real Paul Anka

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Please Stand Up

At the Yale newspaper office, Rory comes by Paris's desk to ask her what's going on. Paris says that she's done a "delete-boring-answers pass" on her interview with a professor, resulting in a sixteen-word story. "His wife," Paris says of the snoozeworthy man, "must wanna suck a tailpipe every night." Not exactly what Rory was asking. "I meant," she says, holding up a big glass jar sitting on Paris's desk, "the big jar of disgusting insects." Oh, those. Paris says that they're fruit flies for a genetics class, and that she has to have them around "to monitor how often Drosophila melanogaster do the nasty." Rory rightly turns up her nose...

...and Paris and Rory are interrupted by Logan. He says that he's been working on the story about textbook prices that Rory assigned him a few weeks ago, and, checking the server, noticed that a piece on the same topic had already been written. Rory nods. She wrote it, herself, she says, because it's an important topic, and she didn't feel like Logan would meet the deadline, based on his past performance. "Past performance," he says, "is no indication of future performance." I want to feel sorry for him, but he's wearing that intentionally-ratty jacket of his, and y'all know I hate that. "Wise men," Rory answers, "call that a sucker's maxim." Good one, Rory, but both of y'all suck so bad. Logan finally has his shit together on this one story, and thus is hurt and embarrassed that she circumvented his success, and she's overly bitchy to him because she's mad about the bridesmaids. Whatever, people. Rory, your hair looks awesome, but that's your only advantage in this fight. If you're mad at him about something you've already said was done with, then it's on you to suck it up and get on with your life, or admit straight out that you're not as okay as you said you were. Logan leaves in a huff.

People, pardon the distraction, but the One Tree Hill commercials reminded me. Have you seen this stuff about the "actor" Chad Michael Murray and his rotating roster of underage castmate wives? What kind of crazy mojo is that kid putting on his penis? Because, have you seen him? And his painful hair that, frankly, makes Logan's look downright Republican? And his ridiculous, twenty-four-year-old, tailored five o'clock shadow? Dude's got a touch of the country face, if you know what I mean. For some reason, I find that story impossibly funny. And, what's worse, you know there is probably a member of the WB staff who is totally assigned to deal with his whole menagerie and has to keep his first wife away from this new one.

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Gilmore Girls

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