They say that brevity is the soul of wit. I don't know what that says about this episode. (I don't know what that says about my recaps, either.) Dear Daniel Palladino: Step away from the Gilmore Girls. Just back away slowly with your hands up. Do not attempt to doctor your script. Do not attempt to change a storyline. Please just walk away so nobody else gets hurt. You are ruining our favorite show. Please. Stop. You aren't funny. You aren't charming. You're making Lorelai into a giant bitchy brat, and I can't take it anymore. Leave your wife's show alone. Love, Pamie.
Previously on Gilmore Girls: Lorelai was getting married. Luke was nonchalant. Rory was excited. Luke was grumpy. Lane got shipped to Korea. We saw Max for a second, complaining that he didn't have any keys and concluding that Lorelai didn't love him. Lane was really getting shipped to Korea. Max asked Lorelai to think about what a marriage is. Lorelai decided to shirk all responsibilities by kidnapping her daughter for a road trip instead of calling off her wedding properly.
In the Jeep, in the morning hours, Lorelai is complaining that they didn't bring any music with them. I'm sure Lorelai would have had an emergency mix tape stashed in the glove compartment. Rory has a conversation with herself, wondering where they are and where they're going as Lorelai complains about not having any music. She complains that she needs her AC/DC and that the radio is only playing Top 40 and Christian Rock: "Christian Rock -- there's an oxymoron for you." Three bands on today's Top 40 charts would like to have a word with you, Lorelai. Rory tells Lorelai to stop complaining about the music. Lorelai tells Rory to stop complaining about their whereabouts. Rory must have gone to the dentist right before this scene, because she's baby-talking through the whole thing. All vowels are held longer than necessary, and she's mush-mouthing around most of her lines. I don't know why she's doing that, but it's not making her any cuter. Lorelai turns on the radio and bitches about the country music. Rory turns off the radio and asks to figure out where they're going. Lorelai says that the point of this trip is to drive around aimlessly, be spontaneous, and end up somewhere they never expected to be. Rory: "Sounds risky." Lorelai: "Sounds exciting." Pamie: "Sounds like your engagement." Rory points out that serendipity has never been kind to them before. Lorelai says she spoke on the phone to serendipity last night; serendipity felt bad about the way she'd treated them, and promised to be nicer in the future. Rory perks up, turns around to look behind her, and shouts, "What did that sign say? It says 'Don't' or 'Death' on it." That's probably the best line of the episode, and it's a shame it's so early on. Lorelai tells Rory to relax, and Rory moans that they're doomed. They've packed lots of lawn chairs, for some reason. Rory says that they're lost. Lorelai laughs that they can't be lost if they don't know where they're going. Rory asks Lorelai to stop before they drive into the Atlantic Ocean. Lorelai promises to try. "At least we'll know where we are," Rory says. "Unless it's the Pacific," Lorelai smiles. I'm not exactly sure what that means, either. The DJ announces a three-song set by Hootie and the Blowfish as the girls moan and the trombone Wah Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaahs us right to the opening credits.