Out in the hallway, Rory beams how much she loves Harvard. We Get It. She loves Harvard. She's smart. We get it. Rory says that the teacher asked a question and she couldn't help talking and then she couldn't stop. Lorelai is already upset with her own problems and can't share in Rory's joy. Rory says this is all amazing and she loves college and she loves Harvard and she loves fatalism. Lorelai pouts in her own problems and abandonment issues until we go to commercial.
Does this episode seem extra-long to you?
They're leaving the B&B. LaDonn's carrying the bags again down the stairs. This prompts the incredibly long debate about Sammy the Cat and whether he normally sleeps on the stairs. I'm not kidding -- it goes on way too long and the final punchline is, "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." I'll skip it for you. Lorelai and Rory wear full Harvard gear. LaDonn asks whether they enjoyed their stay. Rory says they did, and Lorelai says, "I sat and forever am at work here." LaDonn says she can't wait to read the guest book. Lorelai asks for a five-minute headstart. They leave. LaDonn straightens some Hummel on her desk, and for some reason we have to watch her.
Rory's still going on about Harvard and how classy they are and that they don't sell foam fingers. They're back in Stars Hollow. Rory says she feels like they've been gone a long time. They have, haven't they? More than two days, right? Lorelai wonders why nothing ever looks different when she gets back. Everyone is sad as they see Lorelai drive by. Kirk offers a hug. Lorelai says, "Patty's good."
Back at home, Lorelai and Rory bicker about lettuce essence, and whether it counts that you ate lettuce on a hamburger even if you pick it off. On the front porch, the chupah mocks Lorelai. Run away again, Lorelai! Run! "Everything's the same," Lorelai says. Yeah, now go deal with your life. Lorelai walks over to the chupah and pouts. No tears, but some severe pouting. She wipes her eyes, though, so it's almost like she's crying.
Friday night. Emily's house. Lorelai is showing slides of Harvard. Emily asks Lorelai to focus the picture. Lorelai says it is focused. Emily complains that it feels like she's got glaucoma when she looks at those pictures. Lorelai says the pictures are arty. The next slide is of a Harvard squirrel on a Harvard rock. Emily says it looks dirty. The next slide is a dorm and part of Lorelai's finger. Emily complains about having to look at slides and asks why Lorelai didn't just get prints. This launches Lorelai into a giant fit to the effect that people just flip through prints like they're nothing and don't give the pictures the attention they deserve, whereas with slides people have to take their time and hear every story and feel like they're really there since the slides are so big. Emily notes that she feels like she's inside Lorelai's finger. Daniel Palladino, please stop writing this show. Lorelai says that Emily's just jealous they didn't invite her to come along. "Next time," Rory says. Emily wonders why they went out without a scheduled visit and a guide; she doesn't know why Rory and Lorelai ran out of town when there's a wedding in a few minutes: "Didn't your fiancé mind?" Emily doesn't even know Max's name. And shouldn't the wedding be tomorrow? Rory tells Lorelai to tell Emily what's going on. Emily assumes that Lorelai eloped, and goes into a tirade about how she was looking forward to this wedding. She got her hair done and got a present and bought a new dress and then she got tortured by slides. Lorelai says the wedding is off. Emily asks, "Are you sure?" Lorelai says she's sure. Emily sits back down and asks who called it off. "I did," Lorelai says. Emily is quiet. Lorelai says, "You're thinking you're not surprised." Emily says she wasn't thinking that. Lorelai says that Emily probably won five bucks from Richard. Emily asks who wants dessert. Lorelai asks what Emily was thinking. Emily admits she was thinking she'll have to return the present. Instead of asking why Emily wasn't wondering why Lorelai called off the wedding, Lorelai starts hounding Emily to tell her what she got her. She wants to know what the present is. This goes on and on and on to where you'd be like, "No, it ended by now, right?" and I'd have to say, "No, they're still talking. This recap went on and we had other experiences and lived our lives, but at Emily's house they're still bickering over the present. Lorelai had a fifteen-minute monologue about iced-tea spoons, corn-on-the-cob holder-thingies, and tiny forks." And you'd be all, "Was it funny?" and I'd say, "No." And then you'd say, "But they're done now, right?" and I'd say, "No. Right now Emily just told Lorelai that she won't return it and will just keep it until the day Lorelai finally decides to get married." And you'd say, "No, you just made that up." But then I could play the part of the tape for you where they said that. Because right now, while I'm typing? They're still arguing over the present. Something about Katharine Hepburn. They've ruined this show. Ruined it, I tell you. This is the worst episode ever. Boring and Harvard-y. I think Rory's got vegetables on her dress. It still goes on off-camera as we watch Rory listen to the argument.
The Jeep's parked outside Luke's when Lane runs up. "Oh, my God, Lane!" Rory shouts, having forgotten her friend. Lane asks whether Rory thought she'd ever see her again. I'm surprised Rory even remembers Lane's name. Lane says she escaped from Korea, and she's home now. She asks whether Rory got her letters. I think that's Lane's way of pointing out that Rory never wrote to her. Rory says that the first letter was pretty intense -- that it said, "Korea equals death" and had cut-up pictures of Lane's sad face. Lane admits that she had a blast in Korea and got bootlegs of Elvis Costello, Iggy Pop, and Nico. She taped them to her body like in Midnight Express to smuggle them back into the U.S. Lorelai excuses herself to be at Luke's. Rory tells Lane that she overreacted.