T.J. arrives at this moment with dinner for the crew, and a little news: he's talked to a buddy of his who's an actual contractor, and learned what real contractors do, none of which T.J. has been doing on this job: "And Tom, there is no such thing as a Mystic hammer!" He says he's starting to think they've been pulling a sham on him, and that he's not really the contractor on the job. Tom steps in to say that they did it for his own good, and that he should look on the bright side. T.J. is justifiably pissed, and says that they can keep their stupid, phony contracting job, because he's through. Before storming off, he realizes that he's still holding one of the dinner bags, and turns back to give the final kiss-off: they'll all have to "reach in [there] and pull out [their] own condiments."
We cut immediately to Luke's diner, where T.J. is drowning his sorrows in milkshakes. Luke tries to cut him off after four and says it's no big deal that he's not a contractor -- that it's not his "thing," anyway. "Yeah," T.J. says, "it's not my thing. I don't have a thing. I have...nothing." He goes on to say that he has no dream and no future. Luke rallies, pointing to the shelves T.J. built for the diner. Luke tells him he should be proud of those shelves, since they are actually good, and not everybody can build stuff like that. "So," Luke concludes with real enthusiasm, "you're not a contractor; you're a craftsman!" T.J. likes the sound of that. "I'm a craftsman," he says, "like Jesus. He built stuff for a while." Luke is glad to see that his speech is working. "Yep," he says, "you're exactly like Jesus -- that was my point." Wrong. Jesus would never chew scenery like T.J. does. Luke is just glad to have cheered T.J. up, no matter how stupid he is, and ushers him out the door, breathing a sigh of relief.
Oh, but that relief is short-lived after all. Upstairs, Paul Anka has somehow scored himself a huge block of baking chocolate, and has chowed down. ["Why does Luke keep giant hunks of baking chocolate in one of his tiny apartment's four cupboards when he lives over a restaurant? It's a mystery." -- Wing Chun] Luke freaks. He grabs up the dog and takes off, finally waking up the vet, who comes to the door in his robe. Luke explains what happened and that he cannot possibly let anything happen to the dog, because his fiancée loves the dog so much: "She named him Paul Anka, which, on the surface, may not seem like a sign of love, but if you knew her, you'd get it, and, believe me, there's a lot of ways that I could screw up this relationship, but I cannot lose her over the fact that I killed her dog." Hear that? Thousands of 'shippers just burst into flames. The vet says he'll get the ipecac, and all is well.