Over at the DAR office, Rory is once again taking charge. On the phone, she assures an applicant, Mrs. Tarkington, that merely finding a musket in an attic does not make you eligible for membership, "even if your Great-Uncle Nate swore on your Aunt Kissy's grave that it was so." Emily comes in during this conversation, and Rory puts poor ol' wannabe Mrs. Tarkington on hold to tell her grandmother all the latest inside information about the insufferable Constance Bedderton. "My own little Valerie Plame," Emily says, hungry for info. Rory says that one of the girls told her that, on a recent outing, Constance stumbled, causing her purse to spill forth the true contents of her Altoid box -- "enough funny-looking pills to fill a pharmacy" -- after which she threw herself to the ground to cover them up. "A cover-up," Emily says, all evil. "That's good! That's what took Nixon down." Emily is excited to have a mole in the office. Rory's next plan is to invite Constance to lunch and pump her for info. "Who knew that behind such a sweet face lurked the soul of a spy?" Emily asks, full of pride. Who knew, also, that behind that same sweet face lurked a boat-stealing, life-ruining, self-esteem-deficient genius surrounded by poor familial role models and in need of a serious ass-kicking? Wait! I knew. I like the sneakiness and craftiness displayed by Rory here, but I wish she'd apply it to other pursuits like, say, ferreting out the real reason she's made such a series of stupid moves in the last two seasons.
During this exchange, Paris calls, glad to get Rory on the phone: "This hard-to-reach thing is getting old." Paris says she's calling because she has to go ahead and put down the security deposit on the place she told Rory about. Rory, frustrated, explains again that she is not coming back to Yale. "Is this about the boat?" Paris asks. Rory is surprised to hear that Paris knows about the boat, but learns that the news is well known -- apparently, Rebecca Thurston wrote about it on her blog. "I thought Rebecca Thurston's blog was just about all the guys she has sex with and how much she hates her mother," says Rory. Haaaaa! Wow. Somebody's been paying attention to the internet. Paris says that is true, but that the boat story came out because the boat Rory and Logan stole belongs to the father of a boy Rebecca Thurston had sex with. "I can't believe I'm in the blogosphere," Rory says. I take a five-minute break to laugh until I cry, never having identified so strongly with a TV character. (Thank God nobody on Deadwood uses the internet...although I sure would like to see what Al Swearengen would put on his blog, naturally to be found at "CocksuckersIKilledToday.livejournal.com.") Paris swears it's true, and tells Rory to "just Google 'Rory Gilmore sex boat'" to find it. Don't bother, young people. It will only lead you back here. Rory gets mad and tries to sling Paris off, telling her to go on and rent the place: "I'm not coming back to Yale." Paris says that Rory's put her in a very precarious position. What if she rents the room to someone who ends up being a rapist or a serial killer? Rory is unsympathetic: she told Paris over two months ago that she was not coming back to school, she says: "And besides, I think Yale is pretty good about screening for rapists and serial killers?" Ugh. How ridiculous and irresponsible. Plenty of rape is committed at Yale -- Google THAT -- just as it is on every other college campus and in every other environment. Paris says fine, but if she ends up on the front page of the newspaper, "BTKed to death," then it's on Rory's hands. Absolutely ridiculous conversation, and a waste of good Paris.