"Unauthorized persons on the dance floor," Taylor announces, as Jess and Shane sulk through the contestants, making a beeline to the other side of the gym, right in front of Rory. Somehow Rory's on both sides of the gym at once. Taylor calls for Security, but sadly, nobody manhandles Jess out of the room. Rory squints and pouts and makes stink-eyes in his direction. Lorelai comments that Jess is suddenly interested in dance. Rory calls him a regular Martha Graham. "[scoffs]," says the closed captioning. Rory and Jess keep eye contact, so Jess puts his arm around Probawhore and pulls her in by the neck for some mugging. Her "What's going on?" moment right before he starts sucking on her face is pretty good. Rory fumes and fumes and fumes, CuteDean getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

Confesion time. I've never seen one episode of Smallville, The West Wing, Angel, Alias, 24, The Amazing Race anything beginning with C.S.I. or that has a colon after the words Law and Order. I've never watched The Practice, Felicity, Providence, Judging Amy, Crossing Jordan, or any title that's a gerund followed by someone's name. I've never seen any of the Big Brothers or one episode of Survivor. I watched thirty seconds of American Idol and assumed that nobody would watch that crap for ten minutes. And here we go, the "I've never seen Return of the Jedi" of my television confessions: I've never watched one minute of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Whew. That felt really good. Do you still like me? Are we still friends? You're mad that I've never seen Jedi, right? Well, Lord of the Rings made me sleepier than a bathtub of lavender. That's it. I've alienated all of you, huh?