Chilton. Seven people have come to the sad-ass graduation ceremony. There were more people at Lorelai's ditched wedding. Lorelai calls them the Chilton equivalent of 50 Cent's posse. I see now why it was hard to get graduation tickets, since they were only allowing in half a person per graduating student. Rory, of course, can get as many as she wants. Not that it matters, since her father and her best friend didn't bother to show up. Or anyone else from Stars Hollow, for that matter, other than Luke. Wouldn't this have been a great time to at least introduce Rory's new sister? Lorelai and Sookie tease Jackson and Luke for talking about the old building's construction and insurance costs. Sookie screams across the lawn for the boys to join them. Lorelai calls Emily and Richard "Picklepuss and Sauerkraut." Luke and Jackson debate the stones in the building until Sookie calls Jackson "Bob Vila." Lorelai makes a vow not to make fun of any of the kids because inevitably their parents will be seated right next to them. Sookie shivers and remembers the "big-eared Romeo fiasco of '98." Now, did they mean when Brad played Romeo? Because that was 2001. Lorelai gets a page from Rory and excuses herself. Jackson and Luke keep discussing the insurance on the place.
Paris is overjoyed that Nanny brought her three children. Paris's parents, however, didn't attend the ceremony. Paris coos to the children in Portuguese, and tells the oldest boy he's looking like Antonio Banderas. Lorelai stops another student and begins harassing her about Rory, bragging that she's the mother of the valedictorian. Rory walks over and saves the girl we've never met before. Rory pulls Lorelai five feet away where it's somehow more appropriate to have this scene.
Out in the safety of the hallway, Rory beams and tells Lorelai she's getting her inn. She tells Lorelai to go put in the bid. She says that Richard and Emily are paying for Yale. Lorelai isn't happy about this at all, but Rory is determined. Rory says that they didn't approach her, but she approached them: "It's a done deal." Lorelai tells Rory that the Gilmores do nothing altruistically, and that strings are always attached. Rory says there are no strings this time, except she's got to go to Friday-night dinners forever. Lorelai: "Um, hello. Pinocchio, those are strings!" Rory says this was her idea and she only obligated herself, not Lorelai. Sure. It's because of Lorelai that Emily and Richard are paying for Yale. She should be thankful, or at least grateful, and again, she should have to come to at least some of the dinners. Rory says she doesn't want Lorelai to defer her dream. Lorelai says that Rory shouldn't have done this behind her back. Rory says that Yale is her thing, and that she got the money she needed. Lorelai calls the Gilmores "master manipulators." Rory says this was her idea, and that she was the one doing the manipulating. Lorelai says her parents will certainly make Lorelai attend the Friday-night dinners too, so that she can be with Rory. If she wants to see her daughter on the weekends, she'll have to go: "They're getting exactly what they want!" How is Rory ever going to have a boyfriend, a life, or any semblance of self if she has to come home every weekend and have exactly the same life she had in high school? Rory says that everybody's getting what they want, and that it's a "win-win-win" situation. Lorelai says that even if it is, she wishes that just once she got what she wanted, Rory got what she wanted, and the Gilmores got nothing at all. There's the Lorelai we know, right? Evil, spiteful and hateful. Ah, the Daniel Palladino Lorelai: a woman none of us would want to know. Rory says she's got to go start the ceremony, but that Lorelai should go buy the inn.