Rory's dorm room. Paris is frantic, preparing for her date. But who won the debate, Paris? Who won? Rory is on the phone pretending to be CuteDean's girlfriend. CuteDean looks over his shoulder at a football game, pretending to listen to Rory. They say they miss each other until Paris tells them to stop being cute. She tells Rory that she needs help. Rory tells CuteDean that Paris has a date. "Really?" he asks. "Don't sound so surprised," Paris snaps. Rory asks Paris how she knew what CuteDean said at all, since he's on the phone. Paris says she's genius and clairvoyant and knows that when people hear the word "Paris" followed by the word "date," jaws will drop and then chaos will ensue as people are convinced the end of the world must be near. Paris is very pretty with her hair down, so she immediately yanks it up into a tight ponytail. Rory says that she has to get off the phone to calm Paris down. "I love you," CuteDean says. "Gotta go," Rory answers, and hangs up the phone. Ah, love.
Rory tells Paris that, in general, she needs to calm down. Paris freaks that she's not ready yet -- that her makeup isn't done and she hasn't gone through Zagat to pick out a restaurant. Rory tells Paris to let Jamie pick out the restaurant. Paris worries that Jamie might not know about Zagat and might take them to a place that's just a front for a cocaine ring. She wants a planned-out dinner, rose petals on the floor, like other girls get: "I can't date! I'm not genetically set up for it!" She's getting no pleasure out of this. "It's a dare," she concludes. "He was dared to take me out. I bet Trent Lott was behind this." Rory does Paris's makeup, saying there's no way Trent Lott was behind this. Paris worries that she might fall for Jamie and then he won't like her. Rory says that if that happens, Paris will just have to find somebody else. "What if there is nobody else?" Paris worries. "Then you'll buy some cats," Rory answers. Paris wishes she could know if he was the right one so she doesn't get her heart broken, get sidetracked from her goals, or give up on her dreams. Rory says that Paris should wear her hair down. "How do you know if a guy's right for you?" Paris asks. This starts Rory on a monologue about how you just feel when a guy is right. She justifies her attraction to Jess by saying that you want someone who is just like you, but just different enough that he drives you crazy. You want someone who likes what you like, loves what you love, shares the same tastes, but then is someone that everyone hates and tells you is awful. Someone with a criminal record, maybe, or only one camouflage shirt. Someone who has weird hair and is pretty unreliable. Someone who will steal the bracelet your boyfriend made for you, crash the car your boyfriend made for you, and write in your book that he stole when you weren't in your room. Someone who makes you and your mother fight like your mother and her mother. A kid who has entire forum threads dedicated to prayers pleading for his quick, swift, pain-filled death. A kid who some people just call Poochie. Whatever keeps you from accepting the fact that you're two-timing, Rory. Paris says she hopes she figures it all out before she throws up.