Gilmore Girls
Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!

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Easter Eggs And Anvils

Dark manly room where men do manly things, like talk cigars, Port, business, mergers, Mustangs, whatever. Digger, Floyd, and Richard puff cigars, talking about the cigar boom, when everybody pretended to know what they were talking about, and how Port and cigars were crappy back then, harvested green just to keep up with the demand. Richard says he couldn't get Hennessey's to put aside some cigars for him, even after he'd been a customer of theirs for twenty years, so he bypassed them, finding their supplier. He swooped in and bought all of his favorites in bulk: "Hundreds of boxes. Cash. On the barrel." So Hennessey's couldn't get them. Richard had too many to smoke in three lifetimes, so he offered to sell them to Hennessey's: "They leapt at it like dogs for a bone." And he made enough to pay for the boxes he kept. "You're creative, Richard," says Digger. "It's one of your many strengths." Floyd says that it's Richard's main strength. Richard asks why an insurance man can't be creative. Floyd says that the insurance business isn't dry or wooden, full of automatons shuffling around papers. "It's life and death, what we do. It's a new drama every day. It's almost Shakespearean." Richard offers: "Richard III. Macbeth." Floyd says it takes courage, tenacity, and a little vengeance. "And that's all before lunch," Richard agrees. "I love my dick," Floyd says. "It works good and ladies like it." "I like my dick," Richard says. "It works hard and is respectable and has gotten me through life." "I don't have much of a dick," Digger admits, "but I'm willing to take any dick you two would offer me."

Floyd says that their work is wonderful. He's always felt protective of it: "Protective of what I have." Digger: "I think my cigar's out." Floyd: "That's why I'm suing you." Richard looks up. "Dad," says Digger. "You're joking," says Richard. Floyd says that he's suing Richard's company, and that his lawyers will be contacting Richard Monday morning: "You didn't think I'd let Digger walk away with some of my oldest clients and not respond, did you? Are you that naive?" Digger says that this is crazy. Floyd reminds Digger that he signed a non-compete clause with Floyd. Digger says he didn't break that contract. Richard says that he studied the contacts and that he and Digger stayed away from the clients who were off-limits. Floyd brings up Alexander Bonds. Digger says that was a social lunch, and that Floyd has no case. Floyd says that it doesn't matter, because by the time the courts have sorted this out, Richard will be buried in legal fees. Floyd knows Richard's financial situation, and knows he can't survive a hit like that. Richard realizes that this is just revenge. "Are we stooping that low?" Floyd says that Richard just described how strongly he felt about a bunch of cigars: "How did you think I was going to feel about my business?" Digger realizes that Floyd must have a private investigator tailing him. Floyd says that this whole business is distasteful, but that he had to do what he had to do: "What Richard Gilmore would do." He stands up to leave. Digger shouts that Floyd has to call this off, saying "Dad" instead of "Floyd" now. Floyd apologizes to Richard for not getting to that anecdote he'd promised: "Maybe some other time." Richard stares at Digger, who jumps up to follow Floyd out of the room, begging him to reconsider.

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Gilmore Girls

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