Paris has moved on to watching beach party movies during her pity party. Rory walks through with her weekend bag packed, and Paris says it's sad that everyone in this beach party movie is dead by now. Rory points out that the movie was made in the '60s, so not everyone is dead. Paris says that if they're not dead, they're old, and probably have osteoporosis and can't dance without breaking their bones, and that is also sad. I'm sure there's a joke about Annette Funicello somewhere here, but I'm not going to make it. Paris notices that Rory is on her way home for the weekend, and asks if she's finally realized that things with Logan haven't been going well after all. Rory quickly exposits that after a "good two weeks," Logan stopped calling her. But she's going to go home instead of wallow in it like Paris. Paris says she doesn't want to wallow; she wants to leave for the weekend, too.
Lane reminds Zack about their plans to go shopping at Grandy's. Zack says he can't go tonight because he's going to see some old friends. "Who?" Lane asks reasonably. Zack angrily tells her to lay off with the questions and go shopping without him. Passive Lane says she will. Zack asks her to buy a dish detergent that is gentle on his hands.
Rory arrives home and apologizes for the "surprise visit." Lorelai says this is not a surprise compared to what's in the living room. It's Paris, who has nowhere else to go because, suddenly, the IRS took over all of her parents' properties and her parents are somewhere out of the country, looking for a place to live that has no extradition agreement with the United States. So Paris will be staying with the Gilmores, although not on the couch, since that's "spoken for." Down the stairs comes Kirk in his pajamas and bathrobe. He was supposed to stay with someone else, but they had goldfish, and Kirk is afraid of goldfish. "They're always staring at you, all gold and unblinking," he explains. I always thought goldfish were more orange than gold, but maybe Kirk sees colors differently than the rest of us do. I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. Paris says she's happy to sleep on the floor. Lorelai asks to speak to Rory away from the houseguests. As they walk away, we hear Kirk ask Paris how she feels about goldfish.
Unfortunately, we don't get to hear Paris's response, which was probably much more interesting than Lorelai and Rory talking about why Rory came over. "There's nothing else to do," Rory says. Lorelai calls her out on the tactlessness, then asks Rory if she doesn't have parties or dates over at Yale. Lorelai is so sad that her daughter has no life. Rory asks if Lorelai has plans with Luke or something, and Lorelai says that Luke is down in Mystic, picking up a cannonball from Old Man T's sister for the museum. If Old Man T was the oldest resident of Stars Hollow, then how old is this sister?