Paris announces her intention to use the bathroom. Rory accuses her of trying to sneak off to a pay phone to call Doyle. Paris gives Rory her shoes to prove that she's just going to the bathroom. I don't quite understand that logic, especially since anytime I use a public bathroom, I like to make sure I've got layers of protection between me and the nasty, nasty floor. I'd put little plastic baggies over my shoes to protect them if it wouldn't make me look like a weirdo of Kirk proportions. Paris immediately finds a pay phone as she walks barefoot along the bustling downtown Stars Hollow. Shouldn't all these people be at the history museum? Where is your sense of history, Stars Hollow? Where is your sense of getting a free alcoholic drink with admission? That's a great deal! Paris asks passing people for change, which no one is willing to give to her. Someone on the forums said that Stars Hollow was such a friendly place that you'd expect people to start fighting over who gets to give Paris the change, but I'm guessing a place like this doesn't have people begging for change on its streets, like, ever, and so no one really knows what to do when faced with something they've only seen on gritty New York City cop shows.
Sookie, Lorelai, and Luke enter the "Stars Hollow Dioramic History Room Presentation." Taylor's voice asks them not to talk, smoke, or display "lewd behavior" during the presentation, which pretty much invites Lorelai to pinch Luke's butt. He's totally annoyed by it, too. Dig that chemistry. Anyway, the diorama is pretty standard, if you've ever been to a history museum or ridden on my favorite Disney World ride, the Carousel of Progress. In ninth grade, I was in an extracurricular club that got to go to Disney World, and I got all my classmates to skip Space Mountain in favor of the Carousel of Progress, which I promised was much better. In fact, I do believe I referred to it as a "hidden gem." And since I was the only person on that trip who had been to Disney World before (no, seriously), everyone took my word for it and went, even though the line for Space Mountain was two hours long and the line for the Carousel of Progress was non-existent. Plus, it was called "the Carousel of Progress." I couldn't believe I pulled it off. My classmates didn't forgive me for years.
Anyway, Stars Hollow's Carousel of Progress begins at the very beginning: the "dawn of civilization," depending on whether or not you believe in creationism or crappy old evolution, which Taylor does not, because Taylor is suddenly a fundamentalist born-again, not like there's any other type of born-again. Luke snaps at Lorelai for pinching his butt again, and the diorama moves onto the "Jebediah family," the "very first" people to live in Stars Hollow besides those pesky Indians. A little display lights up, and we see the mannequin representations of the Jebediah family -- father, mother, daughter, and son, who was "born without speech." Taylor wonders what their first conversation in Stars Hollow was like, but he doesn't have to wonder long because it is now re-enacted for all. Ezekiel's all excited about the place, but his depressed-sounding wife, known only as "Mother," simply says "it smells like home, Ezekiel" to everything he says. I guess it's hard to be excited about life when you don't really have a name. Ezekiel wonders what the "young'uns" think of their new digs. Annoying Daughter -- who hilariously sports an adult mannequin head on her child body -- says she loves this new place because she can run in the woods and be home-schooled. Dork. Son says nothing, because he was born without speech, and this was before sign language was invented, not like you make a mannequin's hand move anyway. The Carousel of Progress, by the way, has animatronic figures. You haven't lived until you've seen Grandma enjoying her virtual-reality headset. "My divining rod is twitching!" announces Ezekiel. Hee. And I guess we can blame Ezekiel's divining rod for discovering the Stars Hollow water supply that is responsible for these insane townies. Mother sends the kids inside for dinner. Dork Daughter says she's hungry. Son says: "..." You'd think that would have gotten old by now, but it didn't. More Mute Son, less everything else, I say! Ezekiel wonders what he should call their new home. "Those stars -- so bright. This forest -- hollow." The lights go down on the Jebediah family, and Lorelai's all, "No, really? They're gonna leave us on a cliffhanger?" I liked that scene.