Lane reminds Zack about their plans to go shopping at Grandy's. Zack says he can't go tonight because he's going to see some old friends. "Who?" Lane asks reasonably. Zack angrily tells her to lay off with the questions and go shopping without him. Passive Lane says she will. Zack asks her to buy a dish detergent that is gentle on his hands.
Rory arrives home and apologizes for the "surprise visit." Lorelai says this is not a surprise compared to what's in the living room. It's Paris, who has nowhere else to go because, suddenly, the IRS took over all of her parents' properties and her parents are somewhere out of the country, looking for a place to live that has no extradition agreement with the United States. So Paris will be staying with the Gilmores, although not on the couch, since that's "spoken for." Down the stairs comes Kirk in his pajamas and bathrobe. He was supposed to stay with someone else, but they had goldfish, and Kirk is afraid of goldfish. "They're always staring at you, all gold and unblinking," he explains. I always thought goldfish were more orange than gold, but maybe Kirk sees colors differently than the rest of us do. I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. Paris says she's happy to sleep on the floor. Lorelai asks to speak to Rory away from the houseguests. As they walk away, we hear Kirk ask Paris how she feels about goldfish.
Unfortunately, we don't get to hear Paris's response, which was probably much more interesting than Lorelai and Rory talking about why Rory came over. "There's nothing else to do," Rory says. Lorelai calls her out on the tactlessness, then asks Rory if she doesn't have parties or dates over at Yale. Lorelai is so sad that her daughter has no life. Rory asks if Lorelai has plans with Luke or something, and Lorelai says that Luke is down in Mystic, picking up a cannonball from Old Man T's sister for the museum. If Old Man T was the oldest resident of Stars Hollow, then how old is this sister?
Rory asks Lorelai about her interview; Lorelai says it seemed to go really well and that she got along great with Sandra, who loved her Emily stories. Rory's all, "You told a magazine reporter stuff about your mom?" Lorelai says that Sandra asked. And, apparently, Sandra is actually Wonder Woman and had her Lasso of Truth around Lorelai, forcing her to respond with the unfiltered truth about how her mother is a female Pol Pot. "That's so harsh!" says Rory. "Harsh, but true," says Lorelai. So Emily is responsible for GENOCIDE?! Holy crap, I don't know why I wasn't watching this show earlier!