Luke and Anna meet at the courthouse for the custody battle royale. It is awkward and stupid and Anna comes off as a megabitch. Luke ultimately gets the joint custody he requested. Paris institutes Operation Finish Line, which I love, and which involves a detailed chart of activities in which she and Rory must engage in the five months they have remaining at Yale. Rory is busy worrying about the Lucy thing, though. She left Lucy a letter of apology, but still feels terrible about hurting her feelings. Of course, Paris takes care of it, confronting Lucy in the way only Paris can, and Rory and Lucy make up; conversely, Marty and Lucy break up. Sookie is acting weird. Her moods are crazy up and down and Jackson won't let her do anything. Guess why? She's pregnant...but she doesn't know yet. Jackson didn't get a vasectomy like she thought he did. When she finds out, she rightly and justifiably flips out. Christopher finds the letter Lorelai wrote for Luke's court date. It is extremely touching, and when Luke hears it read by the judge, he is quite moved. Chris, however, has a different take. He's very upset by it, and frankly a dick about it. He claims that every problem he and Lorelai have is because she is still in love with Luke, and no matter what she says to deny it, he acts like a huge baby and storms out. Sorry, Christopher fans: Lorelai's made some bad moves, but he's a baby. Meanwhile, during a lecture, Richard has what appears to be a heart attack. Oh, Grandpa! Be okay!
Friday Night Dinner has just ended, and Emily and Richard are jovially escorting Lorelai, Christopher, and Rory to the front door. Richard has just, apparently, told one of his more infamous jokes. "Now that you've heard Dad's famous 'Big game hunter and the gorilla' story," Lorelai tells Christopher, "you're officially part of the family." No, no, I think he officially became part of the family when you married him, Lorelai. Or maybe even before that, when he impregnated you with your child. It's so good to see Emily and Richard in this scene, it assuages my irritation (slightly), but it just generally bothers me the way they talk to Christopher sometimes like they're just meeting him, and sometimes like he's been around for years. Richard, as a matter of fact, loves Christopher so much right now that he invites him to stay for a while to enjoy a fine, illegal, Cuban cigar. Lorelai makes excuses for them all to leave, and they escape to the strains of Emily praising the night's meal: quail Mazatlán. Who among you can ever hear the world Mazatlán without thinking of The Love Boat? I certainly can't. Whole portions of Mexico are forever tainted for me by that show. I'll never be able to travel to Puerto Vallarta, for example, because hell, it would just be too funny. I'm sure it's a lovely place.
Not so lovely, apparently? That "delicious" quail Emily has been raving about. When the guests finally get outside, we see that they've all snuck their dinner out in napkins. "How could such a little tiny quail have such a big, awful taste?" Lorelai demands, spitting. Chris wonders if they should just throw the scraps in the bushes, but the ladies urge caution: they tried that before, with the Chicken Kiev debacle of '02, but the neighbor's cat dragged the remnants of their dinner onto the Gilmore back patio, busting them. Their only recourse, Lorelai says, is to take the stuff with them and throw it off the town bridge, making sure that all remains go into the water. "One stray piece of Quail Mazatlán," Rory warns, "and Grandma will have the river dragged."
Lorelai is making coffee early Saturday morning when she is surprised by Sookie at her door. She pinches her friend on the arm, wondering if she's dreaming. "You're not supposed to pinch me!" Sookie says. "Well," Lorelai answers, "I'm confused! I haven't even had coffee yet." Giddily, Sookie shows Lorelai that she's brought her some coffee and a whole basket of delicious muffin tops, because they're the best part of the muffin. Yes, I remember hearing that. On Seinfeld. Ten years ago. Anyway, Sookie is all worked up and excited because she and Jackson are going on a little day ski trip so that Jackson can hit the slopes and Sookie can read bad books. Or, she was excited until their babysitter called to say that she has mono. "How's that muffin tasting?" she asks. Lorelai: "It has the faintest aftertaste of bribe." Listen, if you brought me coffee and muffins in the morning, I'd take care of your kids, your neighbor's kids, and those weird kids that are always hanging around down at the gas station. Lorelai must feel the same: "I'd love to take care of Davey and Martha." She takes a swig of coffee, declaring it good. "Well, yeah, it should be," says Sookie. "I...got it from Luke's. I hope that's okay." Lorelai's face gets wistful, but she says that it's fine: "It would be weird if I intentionally didn't drink the coffee." They are interrupted by Christopher coming in from upstairs. "Mm, there are baked goods in here," he says. "At first I thought I was dreaming." Sookie: "Please don't pinch me." Heee. Christopher says he was afraid for a second that someone broke into the house and started baking. "Baking and entering," says Lorelai, in a very cute line. "It's a crime wave sweeping the nation!" Man, I wish someone would commit baking and entering at my house! Dear Criminal Baker, I love buttercream icing. No fruit between the layers! Extra icing, is what I'm saying. Love, your very willing victim, Al Lowe. Chris says that this whole babysitting thing is going to work out well for him since, having shipped Gigi off to her grandmother, he will now be home alone and able to put up his flatscreen. Sookie stands to leave and, while saying her goodbyes and thanks, becomes emotional: :It takes a special person...you know, on her day off..." Lorelai nods, assuring Sookie that it's okay, but while Sookie weeps and clings to her, Lorelai shoots an hilarious questioning look at Chris. "This is good coffee," Christopher says, after Sookie's headed out. "It is good," Lorelai agrees, trying to be casual. "It's from Luke's." First of all, why on Earth would she tell him? Second, what is the big deal? Christopher acts weird about it, and so does Lorelai, and come on, as contrivances go, it's a bit of a stretch.