Gilmore Girls
Unto The Breach

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B | 4 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Rory Gilmore, Will You Marry Me?

Lorelai asks about the tickets, and Rory says it's a no-go. Each student only gets four seats. "Well," she says, "you do know the house is going to get egged." Something occurs to Lorelai -- if there are only four tickets, how will Logan attend? Rory says he'll be there, with another ticket, sitting with his friends. Rory asks if Lorelai's nervous. "About Logan seeing his friends?" Lorelai jokes. "Not really." Rory says no, she means is Lorelai nervous about seeing Christopher. "Oh, that," Lorelai pshaws. She says they talked last night, mostly about how proud they were of their beautiful daughter, and that they'll be okay. "What about Luke?" Rory asks. Now this, Lorelai says, is another story. She tells Rory how she was just in the diner, trying to gauge her emotions about Luke. "The point is totally moot," she says, "because he barely even looked at me!" She figures, she says, that she must have totally embarrassed him with her drunken serenade. "I've given you the don't-drink-to-excess speech, right?" she asks. Rory: "Well, if you haven't, you've certainly taught me by example." Lorelai says that she guesses the whole thing with Luke is done. She shrugs, sighing that she didn't know what she wanted, anyway, giving the impression that it's no big deal. Her sad face tells another story. Rory says she has to hang up. "Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned," she says. Lorelai's eyebrows shoot up, and she holds her breath until Rory reveals that yeah, they're spackling. Lorelai and Rory exchange many Gilmorian witticisms about spackling, all very cute, and I get sad again, thinking of the bleak, non-spackle-joke future of television without this brilliant show.

Just when I paste on the brilliant label, we must suffer a town meeting. I don't know why these bug me so much... okay, it's Taylor. Rather than standing at his usual podium post, this week he's sitting in a wheelchair, leg in a brace, after falling in his bathtub. Okay fine, he admits, he fell while giving himself a pedicure. (While that is very hilarious, here is where, if I were at my day job, I would give you my PSA on the dangers and consequences of older adult falls. Since I'm not, I can only encourage you to educate your foolish behind and...put up handrails in your mom's bathroom.) Two hundred million years later, we get to the point of this scene. The first order of business? Kirk wants to suspend himself in a Lucite box above the town square. As you do. "Oh," Lorelai says, "like David Blaine." No, Kirk insists, this is nothing at all like David Blaine's stunt. "Kirk In A Box" will be a feat of endurance, an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility. Plus, he says, making me giggle uncontrollably, "my box is smaller." Babette asks the obvious question: "Why?" Kirk: "Because Lucite is very costly." Hee, but no, she means why is he doing the stunt? "To see," Kirk says majestically, "if I can." Taylor tries to argue that the whole thing could cause a traffic jam, but the town gives their vote of approval. As Taylor yammers about parking problems, something occurs to Babette. She "whispers" a question across the aisle to Lorelai, asking if parking will be a problem at Yale. Lorelai breaks it to her that, in fact, there are no extra tickets for any townspeople to use. This sets off Babette and everyone around her -- they're upset they won't get to see Rory graduate. They've known her forever, after all, and feel they should get to see her get the diploma. I'm all about suspending my disbelief for the many silly contrivances of this program, but this is just too much, mostly because the ridiculousness goes on FOREVER. Finally, Lorelai can't escape without promising to stage a full reenactment of the ceremony at a party for Rory in the town square, complete with the Stars Hollow High marching band, and life-size photos of Rory.

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Gilmore Girls

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