Rory says she's going to change, and Lorelai tells her to "come back as Thora Birch." Because I'm a nerd, I thought at first this was a literary reference, but then I remembered Thora Birch is another young actress and thought about calling Pamie in Aspen to get the pop culture lowdown on what that was supposed to mean. Maybe some scandal du jour between La Birch and the beautiful Alexis Bledel? But then I felt dumb, and couldn't do it. Don't y'all miss Pamie?
Emily laments over her hair and has a Bride Panic Moment, asking, "Lorelai, why am I doing this?" Good question. But, in response, Lorelai simply holds up the diamond necklace and all questions are answered. Emily's so nervous, she considers taking a Seconal. (Lorelai: "Excellent idea, Judy.") I sigh and daydream of her taking a handful, especially after insulting Lorelai's hair (which, as always, is stunning). She quickly apologizes (for the first time, ever) for being cruel to her daughter, and explains she's just nervous because "I'm getting MARRIED!" Lorelai reassures her with, "Mom, it's a fake wedding. J.Lo has them all the time!"
Emily takes this moment to rhapsodize about how wonderful it is to have a husband and partner who is always there for you (she thinks this because she pays someone else to do his laundry), and asks Lorelai, "Don't you think you'll ever want to be married." The women of the world hold their breath as Lauren Graham shyly but radiantly answers, "Actually, I do." I throw my arms around my husband, who is acting like he's not crying. Emily realizes Lorelai is talking about Luke (yay!) and abruptly stops all the mother-daughter bonding with a cold "well, that's nice." Rory comes back out of the dressing room wearing a tailored suit and tie and saying, in a voice tinged with Snoop, "Best man in the house." OH, FINE. She looks fantastic.
Lorelai complains that Rory gets to wear "like, a costume" and she has to wear a dress. She suggests that she get to dress like Emily's maid. "It'll be whimsical, and I can wear flats." Emily dismisses her, and Lorelai leaves, saying, "You so like [Rory] better." Hello? Has she ever watched this show? Is she just now noticing?
Cut to the wedding ceremony. String quartet. Roses everywhere. Honestly, there are enough roses in this joint to make this fake wedding more expensive than my real one. Cousin Marilyn is still working Luke on the gardening tip. Rory and her grandfather step out to receive. Lorelai descends the staircase and walks down the aisle wearing a periwinkle shantung dress with a wine sequined wrap sweater. What am I, The New York Times society editor? She looks gorgeous, in any case, and is followed by her mother in the wedding suit. I don't care for it, but she wears it well. During these strolls by her mother and grandmother, Rory takes a moment to look longingly into the congregation at Logan and admire his frosted tips. Why, Rory? Why?