Gilmore Girls
Wedding Bell Blues

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 3 USERS: A+
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Wedding Bell Blues
Previously on The Gilmore Girls: Who cares? Pamie's in Aspen kicking the asses of snowmen and ski bunnies right and left, and I am in charge! HA HA! Now is my big chance to talk some real smack about Dean and how NotCuteDean he actually is! Except, he's not even in this episode. Oh, fine.

Previously, Richard and Emily reconciled and announced their plans to have a vow renewal ceremony in celebration of their perfect union (of evil). Luke and Lorelai fell more in love, while Rory did some stupid stuff I'm embarrassed I'm going to have to type out later. We've all been 20, Rory. Please stop reminding us of how pretty, yet how very, very dumb we once were. The shame never dies! You just get older!

We open when Lorelai walks into Luke's diner and waves to him as he lists out an order over the phone to the boat supply catalogue. He gives her the brush-off, prompting her to crack, "Huh. Apparently now we've been married for forty years?" I mean, not that he's busy or anything.

He apologizes and explains that the suppliers can't actually supply anything he needs. Lorelai is, naturally, not the least bit sympathetic and shows him some fisherman's boots in the catalogue, sexily pointing out that "they're yellow! And cute! I'll look like the Morton's Salt girl." Certainly we can all agree that that's hot stuff, so he orders them. The boots are the only things the suppliers have in stock, so they'll be arriving on Tuesday. Instead of thanking Luke for his generosity, Lorelai busts his chops about his plans to go to her house that night and work on the boat with only the power of his flannel-covered muscles. She theorizes on how he is probably trying to come up with ways to throw himself down the stairs hard enough to sustain the perfect injury to get him out of attending her parent's vow renewal. He retorts that his actual plan is to be mauled by a wild boar just enough to where he won't be able to go to her parents' thing, but "after some stitches and a transfusion, I'll still be able to make you coffee." Is it any wonder she loves the man? He supplies the two things every woman needs to be happy: shoes and caffeine. Plus the bonus of the above-mentioned flannel-covered muscles.

Anyway, Lorelai says it will be fine for him to come do his boat stuff -- she'll be home with Rory, watching a Cop Rock marathon. God. Are any Gilmore Girls viewers even old enough to remember Cop Rock? At what drug-riddled Hollywood party did that pitch get bought? Who had to snort coke off whose penis to get it sold? Singing policemen? Dancing judges? On TV? I know it seems impossible, young readers, but you know, it was 1990, and people were wearing a lot of neon. Luke glosses over this blast from the past to plea again for his freedom from the "wedding," and gets shut down once more before he realizes his girlfriend and her adult child are about to watch a marathon of a show about jazz-handing law enforcement. "Did you say 'Cop Rock marathon'?" "Yeah," Lorelai answers, picking up her free coffee and donuts. "Trying to figure out what you see in me?" Luke hems, and she shuts him up with, "Wait 'til you see me in the boots."

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Gilmore Girls

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