Dude. Y'all. How does Pamie do this? All those words in two minutes! I've been teasing her for years about how long these recaps are, and now I understand. Pam, I'm sorry.
Night falls and Rory and Lorelai are organizing their carbo-load for the evening. Lorelai doesn't know how to make instant mashed potatoes what with the mixing of the water and butter and all, which frankly is just as well. She opts instead for tater tots while Rory "burns" some "hip CDs" on her "laptop." These kids today. Luke shows up to work on his boat, and admonishes them for eating unhealthy food, saying it will take five years off their lives. Doesn't this man cook French fries in a diner? Lorelai counters, "Yeah, they would be the five where I would be wearing fuchsia lipstick way beyond my lipline, so I wouldn't want 'em anyhow." Just as mother and daughter are about to get cop-rockin' with a tray full of sugary delights, Emily calls and ruins everything, as usual.
Claiming that her dress is "falling apart," she insists that she's on her way over to have Lorelai fix it. When hearing her daughter's suggestion that she take it back to the woman who made it, she answers, "When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you do not give her a puppy." These old people today. I can't figure out fast enough whether that's insulting or not, and neither can Lorelai. She barely has time to interrupt when Emily pulls the ultimate Bridezilla, saying that "it's the most important day of my life, Lorelai!" A bit unkindly, but oh so truthfully, Lorelai points out that "it's not even the most important day of your marriage." Ignoring the clear signs that she is not welcome, Emily says she'll be there in half an hour.
The Girls lament that they may be able to get through all their donuts and pancakes before she gets there, but probably won't make it to the tater tots and the pizza tower. They plan to split up their evening and get rid of Emily as fast as they can. "She comes, I fix, she goes, we rock. Now eat!"
Luke is electrically sanding his boat when Emily arrives. I guess he smells the sulfur in the air as she creeps up on him, because he turns around and drops the sander, making a fool of himself. Uncomfortable conversation ensues as she denigrates his boat and acidly implies that his "hobby" is stupid, but at least he has one. "Idle hands and whatnot." Instead of attacking her with the sander, he attempts politeness and congratulates her on the big event to take place the next day.