Here, Emily pulls the Penultimate Bridezilla, and explains to Luke that one congratulates the groom, one gives best wishes to the bride. I screamed when this happened on the show, because it was bad enough, but then even worse, the rage was still fresh when I was at an office function the very next day and this hag I work with gave a colleague of mine the same speech. Right in front of everyone. With the all-too-often heard caveat of "it's just Southern etiquette." Y'all, I had to step in with a well-timed cough and a tsk. Because in all of etiquette, Southern or not -- and honestly, that "rule" is in no way "Southern" -- it is ironically true that the most rude thing you can do is correct someone else's etiquette. It is unbelievably foul. (And, damn, I have to say it, I happen to know that that office lady's mother is from Philadelphia, so I don't know where she gets off.) So, to watch this scene again and recap it causes the blood to boil something fierce, and fantasies of Luke sanding off Emily's makeup dance in my head. But we must proceed.
Emily goes inside and barely has time to insult the food selection before handing off her wedding suit to Lorelai and pointing out three nonexistent loose beads. Lorelai races up the stairs to do a speed-repair on the jacket, clearly indicating that Emily need not even bother sitting down, because, hint, she'd be leaving so soon.
After about 30 seconds, Lorelai comes running back down the stairs while Emily frets to Rory over her what to do with her hair the next day and her lack of faith in her wedding planner. They try to hint Emily out the door, but she pretends not to notice and goes to the kitchen to get a drink just in time for the phone to ring. It's Richard, calling from his bachelor party. We see him in his cups, smoking a cigar with the lads at his club and he explains how he's "figured it out" that Emily saying she's going over to "spend time with The Girls" really meant that they're throwing her a bachelorette party. Then I get mad when he reminds them not to go too crazy because he "needs her sober and looking beeauuutiful for tomorrow," and one of his cronies shouts, "Otherwise, you don't have to go through with it!" Gag. Need I get into how gross that is? And need I mention that if my husband were to ever say anything like that to, or about, me that I would shank him between his fourth and fifth ribs?
Instead of hanging up and saying, "My parents are assholes," Lorelai gets off the phone and she and Rory panic about having to throw an impromptu bachelorette party for the sixty-year-old matriarch of the family who has been married now for forty years. Somehow, however, they pull it together, and we cut to a little while later when Lorelai opens the door for a sleepy Sookie, carrying in a tray of delicious pot-stickers. (That's Kay Starr singing "It's a Good Day" in the background. No one else in the world but me could have named that tune in two notes, my friends. That's a little recap bonus for y'all. Ask your granny if you think I'm wrong.)