Gilmore Girls
Wedding Bell Blues

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 3 USERS: A+
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Wedding Bell Blues

Richard tells a story about how he chose the song for their dance, and on the surface, you kind of have to love it, because he loves his wife, and that's sweet. But, man, these people are such jerks. The story goes that when Lorelai was three, she went through a phase of chronic ear infections and screamed all night long to where they couldn't "keep a nanny longer than a week." Lorelai says what we're all thinking: "Yeah, that was the terrible part about it. The searing pain was just a side note."

Richard goes on that because they couldn't hire someone to love their kid, it fell to Emily to stay up all night with Lorelai. The only song she could find to soothe the baby was "Wedding Bell Blues," a song about trying to get a man named Bill to finally consent to marriage. Richard says the song drove him crazy: "Some woman complaining about wanting to marry a man named Bill -- not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, 'If only your name was Bill, this could be our song.' Well, Emily, just for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song." See? Sweet. But still, they're jerks.

Emily, of course, is quite moved and they begin to dance. She can't believe he remembered the song. I can't believe he was complaining about his wife having to sit up with their three-year-old who had an ear infection. Meanwhile, Christopher is hitting the bottle hard and looking ominously over at Luke and Lorelai, while Rory looks wistfully over at Logan.

The emcee invites everyone who's "in love" to join the happy couple on the dance floor. Lorelai asks Luke to dance, swearing she will dance just as spazzy as he does. "I do not dance spazzy," Luke says, and then takes her out there and proves it. Rory and Christopher, the lovelorn among us, wander into the women's group painting class, where Christopher tells Rory the story of his first kiss with her mother. They were fourteen and Lorelai walked up and kissed him the parking lot of the A&P because she just wanted to know what it would be like. "Lorelai always knew what she wanted, and she'd go out and get it." Rory asks, for her own reasons, if he liked it that Lorelai kissed him first, and he answers, "Who could not like getting kissed by a Gilmore girl?" Then he waxes fond about how it was the greatest day of his life, which is dumb.

This was all just to steel Rory's nerves to make a move on the hated Logan, and we can see her wheels turning as the scene cuts to Luke spinning Lorelai around the floor with just a "touch of spazzy." As "Moon River" swells in the air, Rory crosses the room with determination, towards Logan. They have an obnoxious exchange that makes him look like the King of All Asses and her look like the Queen of Desperation. God, I hate it so much I had to pause the Tivo and walk around flexing my fingers for five minutes, reliving all the embarrassing scenes of my early twenties when I engaged in similar ignorant and painful displays.

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Gilmore Girls

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