The town meeting is coming to order. Lorelai is a little late. She tells Sookie she found Paul Anka hiding under the sink, chewing a pair of her favorite shoes. "Boy," Sookie says, "that guy's career has really hit the skids." Lorelai rolls her eyes. Sookie laughs and says that's officially her last "Paul Anka, the person, is living in your house" joke. Taylor bangs his gavel and is just getting started when Kirk and Andrew burst in the door in Revolutionary War-era costumes, and begin a skit. Lorelai hopes it isn't audience participation. I hope they use their muskets to shoot Taylor, for whose histrionics I am not in the mood. The two guys claim to be from 1779. Lorelai: "Who's going to tell them those outfits are so 1778?" They introduce themselves as original Stars Hollow residents (despite Gypsy's reminding everyone several times that "it's Kirk and Andrew!"), and say that they have had a hard time finding their way around town, since all the street names have changed. Ah, this whole silly thing is to get people to agree to change the town's street names to historic names associated with Stars Hollow. This, Taylor says, will help improve tourism revenue by increasing the town's charm. Miss Patty takes some offense, saying they have charm. Babette agrees. "You wouldn't believe the bikini waxes Lisa's doing at the beauty parlor," she says. "Any shape you can imagine! So clever. And charming!" ["This reminds me of the last TWoP writers' summit, at the big dinner event of which Evany informed me about this bikini waxing trend, which in San Francisco is apparently known by the name 'Glamourpuss.' Which is awesome." -- Wing Chun] Taylor says they're looking for historical charm, and pushes the street name change. Shockingly, Lorelai is all for the idea. She says she likes "old-timey stuff," and that it's one of Taylor's better ideas: "It's not like the year you guaranteed the tourists a 'mosquito-free' summer, and then released hundreds of bats all over town." Her support encourages everyone else, and it is agreed that the town's streets will be supplied with new old names.
Lane is on the job at the diner, serving Lorelai breakfast as Lorelai reads the paper. Lane asks what's going on in the world, and Lorelai tells her, "Nothing good." Lane says that's why she doesn't bother reading the paper anymore. Lorelai is wearing the most unflattering, granniest-looking, weirdest shirt you can imagine. She tells Lane that she's just going to start her own paper, The Good News Daily: "Nothing but good news, every day." ["It's been done." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai suggests a few potential headlines: "No Civil War in Canada"; "Cars Drive Down Street Without Incident"; "Puppies: How Cute Are They?" Lane says she's in a better mood already.