Gilmore Girls
We've Got Magic To Do

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Leave Your Cheese To Sour

Richard unclenches his fists with some effort, and stomps out and finds Emily. "It's all true," he tells her. "All of it." Emily wonders what he's talking about. Richard says that everything Lorelai told them about what Mitchum said to Rory and about Logan's family telling her she wasn't good enough was true. Emily still doesn't believe it. Richard says that Mitchum just confirmed it all: "I oughta punch him!" Emily tells him to calm down, but he can't. He says they told Rory she didn't "have it," but he knows she does. "Of course she does," Emily says, and tells him to go outside and get some air.

And then, Kelly Bishop turns it on. She swivels to get a look at the blousy Mrs. Huntzberger, and goes in for the kill. The fake Andrews Sisters are singing "Apple Blossom Time" as Emily goes over to tell Shira she has a table for her right in the center of the room. "Oh, bless you, Emily," she says. "I'm undeserving," meaning exactly the opposite. Emily leads her over to the table and, with saccharine sweetness, drops the bomb. She understands that the family's not exactly thrilled with the match between Rory and Logan, she says. Shira tries to brush it off, but Grandma ain't going out like that. She says, still nice as pie, that she's confused as to the issue. Both families are good, and have good backgrounds. "Money doesn't seem to be an issue," she adds, smiling. "We all have money." Here's the crux. Shira makes it clear: "There's 'your money,'" she says, "and then there's 'our money.'" Emily gives the perfect "Oh?" while Shira stupidly goes on to say that her family has a lot of responsibilities that come along with their money, including an image to maintain. "Ah, yes," Emily says. "Well, let me tell you this, Shira. We are just as good as you are." She says, still with cloying sweetness, that the Gilmores are all aware of Logan's reputation, though he is always welcome in their home, as Rory should be in the Huntzbergers'. Shira again tries to give her the brush, but nothing doing. Emily leans in, saying that now they're going to talk about the Huntzberger money: "You were a two-bit gold-digger, fresh off the bus from Hicksville. And what made Mitchum decide to choose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time, I'll never know, but hats off to you for bagging him." Shira has that uncomfortable Don't Make a Scene smile on during all this while Emily goes on: "He's still a playboy, you know. Well, of course you know. That would explain why your weight goes up and down thirty pounds every other month, but that's your cross to bear." Shira laughs uncomfortably, as Emily lowers the boom: "But, these are ugly realities. No one needs to talk about them." Rory and Logan, she says, are staying together for as long as they like, and the Huntzbergers won't stop them. "Now," she says in closing," enjoy the event." I loved, loved, loved all of this, but I was so hoping that this would be the end of it all. Like, somehow Lorelai would be there and get into it as well, and Logan would walk in and be revealed as the big loser he is, and Rory would fall on the floor crying about what an idiot she's been for the last two seasons, and Emily and Richard would grovel to Lorelai about how wrong they were.

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Gilmore Girls

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