Rory's in that one classroom they have at Yale. Her philosophy class is wrapping up. Oh, too bad next week's class is about morals. Rory could have used that one last semester.
Stalker Daddy waits outside Rory's classroom with two coffees. Man, if my dad had ever done that, I'd never stop bragging. I'd be like, "Your dad's a fireman and saves lives? That's pretty cool. But one day after a really boring philosophy class where I was like, 'Gah, this is boring. I wonder what marriage I should break up next.' I like, walked outside of class and Dad was there with coffee! It was awesome!" Sidenote: I cannot do a scarf count for this episode, since I never learned how to count that high. Thanks for the public-school education, Dad! Christopher talks about himself in the third person, which is always creepy, in an attempt to say that he's no longer going to be creepy. Rory fidgets and pouts and conveys "annoyed" as much as possible. All this snow and nobody's wearing a hat or gloves? And why are the scarves all open and draped around them like that Good Will Hunting math teacher? Christopher finally gets to the point: "I hate our relationship, okay? I hate it." Love you too, Dad. Christopher continues: "This wall? This stupid wall? It sucks. And I put it there." Rory hugs her coffee, which I guess isn't too hot. Christopher says he's been in Hartford a lot because his dad is sick and his mom's with his baby. Why can't his mom be with her husband? Why can't you be with the baby, Christopher? He says he had this wall with his father, and he doesn't want to have the same relationship with Rory. He doesn't want her visiting him when he's old and sick just because she has to. Hey, Christopher. Maybe right now you should work on patching things up with your dad instead of your young, healthy daughter. Just a suggestion. Also, you might want to go change your baby's diaper. Because your mom? Little preoccupied with her sick husband. I just tried to start the TiVo with my coffee mug. That can't be a good sign. Christopher hands Rory a fistful of creams and sugars, as he (predictably) didn't know how she took her coffee: "So I got you everything." For a change. He'll buy her everything when it's free. Now if you'll excuse Rory, Christopher, she's got to go back to class because her grandparents are spending a fortune to raise her in such a way that she'll forget her shitty deadbeat dad.
"Girl" Auditions are at Miss Patty's. Taylor is lecturing the unlucky auditioners, letting them know that this is an historic re-enactment. See, this is the first time they've let a woman be in the re-enactment. That's why she has to be a whore. Kirk sticks to Taylor's side, reminding him constantly how great Lulu would be for the part. Taylor says that this is the first vital role a woman has played in their re-enactment. Yes, he said it again. He kind of said it three times. It's what we call "filler." Anyway, Taylor kicks out four girls based purely on their looks. He asks the rests to give him a "come hither" look. And then it's all very humiliating, with bad acting as girls try to look skanky and available. Taylor gives directorial notes the same way my first headshot photographer coached me a number of years ago. His name was Stefano, and he said to me: "I vant you to see Johnny Depp in zee cornah, here. And he iz looking at you. And he iz sexy, no? And you see zee Johnny and he see you and he smile. Oh, zee sexy smile at you. And you smile back, yes? Now. Smile! CHIN DOWN THAT'S RIGHT I TAKE SHOT! GOOD." In all of those headshots, I alternate between looking like I want to leave, and looking like I can't believe how much money I'm spending to pretend to look at Johnny Depp. And then they misspelled my name. Ten points if you know it, Wing, because Djb totally got it right in this weekend's "How Well Do You Know Me" game. ["Pamlea? If that's right, can I have your dessert spoons?" -- Wing Chun] Taylor ejects another two whores, including "Little Debby," his niece. Miss Patty is a little uncomfortable with Taylor coaching his young relative to be a woman of the night. Kirk stands behind Taylor and mimics the "come hither" look as Lulu tries to mirror him. "Oh, Kirk, don't be a pageant mom," Miss Patty scolds. Taylor asks the girls to take off their clothes. "It's cold outside," Lulu protests. Taylor says that the scarlet woman of Stars Hollow yore didn't think about the cold when she gave up her "greatest treasure." I'm going to sue this episode for sexual harassment. Kirk tells Taylor that Lulu's got a bunch of "hot outfits," and that they can put her in something. Taylor cuts another girl and Kirk gives Lulu a happy shake of the fists. Why does Lulu put up with all of this?