Gilmore Girls
Written In The Stars

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Know When to Hold 'Em

We open in Richard's poolhouse, where Lorelai calls the butler "Jeeves" and asks that her drink be shaken, not stirred. I guess Lorelai is getting used to the help around the house, and has stopped thinking of them as real people. She explains that she thought every butler's name was Jeeves. Richard calmly informs Lorelai that he is not a butler, nor is he named Jeeves. He's a valet, which isn't so much a car-parker, but someone who attends to Richard's needs. "So he's a geisha," Lorelai concludes. Richard tells his daughter she'll be much quieter after her martini. He asks Rory about her second year of Yale, which she starts this week. She says she moves into Branford on Monday. Richard says he lived in Branford College as well. "I know," Rory says. Richard says it's one of the oldest residential colleges, and has some impressive bells. Robert Frost said it had the most beautiful college courtyard in America. Rory says she'd like to have lunch there with Richard once she's all settled. The valet reminds Richard that he wanted to bring out the Hungarian cheese. Richard stands up to fetch it, leaving Lorelai and Rory to gossip about how crazy it is that Richard is living in the poolhouse, with a valet, fixing his own cheese in the semi-kitchen. Lorelai thinks her father is happy out here with his books and his "special friend," who lives with him and tends to his every need. Rory asks her mother not to be so gross about her grandfather. "Don't be so puritanical," Lorelai says. "After all, Heather Has Two Mommies." Richard brings over the cheese and the girls show off their philosopher coasters. Emily's maid shows up at the door to announce that dinner is served in the main house. The valet informs Richard. Lorelai says they haven't finished their drinks. "But the madam is ready now," Emily's maid frets. Richard says it's been a lovely evening. "Until next week." Lorelai tries to gulp down her martini as Rory thanks him.

Lorelai complains about being served soup in "hundred-degree weather." Emily has the air conditioning on. "I like it, Gramma," says Rory. "My God, the sucking up," Lorelai says. I agree, but also, Lorelai, how comfortable do you need your weekly free meal to be? Emily asks Rory what's new. Rory says, "Nothing much," which causes Emily to ask what was new twenty minutes ago. She's jealous that Richard got the good conversation before she had a chance to hear anything, and now she wants the girls to repeat, verbatim, the conversation they had with Richard. Rory says she's going to Branford; Emily tells her about the grounds and Robert Frost and blah blah blah Hungarian cheesecakes. Emily is upset to find out she's repeated Richard's trivia nuggets and thinks the girls are "all talked out." When has a Gilmore ever been "talked out"? Richard tries to tiptoe through the dining room because he needs something in his office. Emily tells him that he must make an appointment to enter the house, because he lives in the poolhouse now. Richard and Emily fight as Rory and Lorelai stare at each other, wishing they could disappear. Emily asks what would have happened if he came in without an appointment and she was in the living room stark naked. Richard says that Emily has never been stark naked. In fact, they went skinny-dipping once and she wore an overcoat. Emily: "The water was freezing!" Richard and Emily chase each other deeper into the house to continue arguing. "Crazy," Rory mopes. Lorelai: "You said it, Patsy Cline."

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Gilmore Girls

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